The Brooding Chick

Loaded

2011-07-30T13:43:00.000-07:00

No matter how many pep talks I give myself I can never quite shake the sense of doom that descends upon me about a week before school starts. I always tell myself that this year I won't get all flustered and life won't be all frantic because I'll stay organized and on top of things. And then, on the evening of the first day, I start getting a tick above my right eye and I end up staying up way too late signing more forms than one should ever have to sign at any given time. Because I have stayed up too late I have trouble getting up in the morning. Because I have trouble getting up in the morning I invariably run late. Whenever I'm running late (usually from August until June), I tend to get grouchy. Along with grouchiness comes grogginess, and grumpiness (the modern day dwarfs who befriend Sleepless Not-So-Beauty).

I keep telling myself that since my kids are older, this year will be a lot easier on me. And then, on the evening of the first day of school, my throat tightens up in an attempt to keep certain words from spilling out...words that parents should simply keep in their heads while they smile and nod. All of a sudden my kids' loads at school are getting heavier; their responsibilities and activities are increasing. As a result my parental load becomes oversized. I can't help but to feel weak when I know I must be strong. I want to lessen their load but I know it is only through these heavy trials that true character is developed. My prayer is that we can all yoke together and carry one another's load in an effort to balance each other out. May all of you who are experiencing heavy burdens find the strength to bear them and eventually release them. Hopefully the loads we all carry are filled with the blessings and opportunities needed to help us become the best of who we were designed to be.

The Nuts and Bolts of Shopping

2011-07-24T16:44:00.000-07:00

Okay! I get it! Now I officially know how painful it is for men to go shopping with women. The other day I tagged along on a trip to town and ended up walking into what can only be described as a "Man Mall." As soon as the sliding doors opened I was met with a whoosh of scented air. Only this time the scent was not Chanel...it was....hmmm....I'm not really sure. I do know that it was repulsive and I found myself trying desperately not to inhale. It had a hint of rubber with a top note of gasoline. This tool warehouse had everything a handyman could ever want. And get this...it was a discount store! I guess that's where the similarity lies between men and women and the whole shopping experience: we all love a good bargain. There were aisles and aisles of compressors, ratchets, drill presses, and pliers. No matter where I turned I was met with hardware. There was not a soft item to be found. I couldn't breathe. I had to get out of there. I actually did what a lot of men do when shopping with women: I sat down in one of the display chairs. It was a nice folding lawn chair that came with it's own drink holder and folding table attached. It was beneath a canvas canopy. It afforded me a nice view of the socket sets and metal ramps. So, needless to say, I learned my lesson: always, always, always go shopping alone...or else bring along your best girlfriends and frolic in the makeup and clothing departments knowing there isn't a chainsaw blade or wheelbarrow tire in sight.

Bitter No More

2011-07-21T15:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we can't help but to feel a bit sour. Sometimes our outlook is pretty grim. Sometimes all we need to cure our mood is a large dose of friendship. I had the pleasure of spending almost the entire day with a dear friend. As soon as I arrived at her house she confessed that she had such a miserable night she had considered uninviting me. After an hour or so of our visit she told me that she was glad that I had come. Her outlook had changed and her mood had lifted. We all have our moments of weakness and self-doubt. But we should never ever forget that there are people who are in our corner...no matter what. I actually enjoyed being able to simply sit and listen. I had prayed earlier in the day to be able to offer whatever was needed and I felt that listening was best. Sure I had plenty to say...but today was not about me. I love having friends...friends who love me no matter what...and friends whom I love no matter what. Life can be full of bitter lemons...but it's our friends along the way who help turn the bitterness into sweetness.

The Sarong should be called the "So Wrong"

2011-07-17T13:08:00.000-07:00

I don't get it. It's hard enough for women to fit into clothes--especially when they keep trying to squeeze into "their size" even though "their size" is no longer their size. I speak from experience on this one. I have not been happy with the way I've been looking in my clothes. It seems that "nothing is working for me." Finally, I had a meeting with myself and decided to go ahead and try "the next size up." When that size didn't fit I went up another size....and this time it fit...but it was snug. When I blocked out the number on the tag I realized how comfortable I was and how good the shorts fit. Apparently the only way to feel skinny (not 'look skinny'...FEEL) is to buy clothing in the size you never dreamed you would ever ever wear (the size you never even fit into when pregnant!) and whallah! Then, just when I had accepted the fact that the battle between me and my metabolism had not only been fought, but won....(only not by me)...I had to slip into a bathing suit (actually "slip" is not the best descriptor here...."squeeze/suck/squint" would be more appropriate). Despite the fact that I am no longer in my 20s...okay...no longer in my 30s...I still managed to pull off a bikini. I found that the one-piece suits actually "rounded me out" too much considering the fact that not only do I have a pronounced sway-back...but I also have a pronounced back-side. Well...just the other day...when I knew I would be in a suit IN PUBLIC...I opted for a one-piece...but it was in "slimming black." The label on the tag told me I was trying on a "sarong." In truth it fit and it did pretty much what it was designed to do...swallow my pride. But the problem I have with suits that are purchased to "hide," "disguise," "cover up," our "supple" skin on our tummies and thighs and buttocks is the fact that the suit covers up our top half. Don't most women have "areas of concern" in their lower half? If it were up to me I'd wear a suit that started at the ankles and ended at the top of the belly button!! But even that is just SO WRONG! Come on winter!! The season where only faces and hands are exposed!!!

Great Ball of Fire!

2011-07-16T13:22:00.000-07:00

Okay! Enough with the heat already! I used to think those movies that had people incinerating on the spot were exaggerating....but that sort of thing almost happened to me the other day when I snuck outside pre dawn to let the chickens out of their coop. I figured that I would be safe considering the fact that it was 6:30 a.m. and the temps were only in the mid 90s. Well they were!...almost. The air simply burns. So what if there is a breeze....it does not help because the “breeze” feels like the whoosh of heat you get when you open the oven door. Because of all of the sweating that’s going on I’m having to wash a lot of clothing that I would otherwise merely “recycle.” I have to refill the birdbath daily because a)the birds have declared it the best watering hole in the county, and b)the sun sucks up whatever is left at the end of the day. On more than one occasion I have actually, physically been stuck to my car’s seat. ‘Tis the season of less clothing, but unfortunately, ‘tis also the season to either wear SPF 100 (yes, there is a 100...I know...I own it), or stay indoors. So go jump in the lake you winey woman ... I would...if there was any water left to jump in. Right now I am reminded of the Bugs Bunny cartoon...the one where he jumps up and then dives straight down into what should be an oasis of beautifully cool and refreshing water....only he ends up eating sand. Ehhhhh.....what’s up with this heat, Doc?!

TTYL

2011-07-15T21:43:00.000-07:00

I've got to hand it to all of you parents out there (mine included) who watched their child get into a car for their first official independent driving experience BEFORE CELL PHONES HAD BEEN INVENTED! I think that I was all cool and calm and "that's the nature of things"... but that's because I knew I would have at least the thinnest thread of contact with my son at the beginning, middle, and end of this whole "Nurture Your Child and Keep Him From Harm Only To Throw Him To The Wolves" thing called growing up (for him and me!).

Me: "Text me AS SOON as you get there."
Him: "I will."
Me: "But not while you're driving."
Him: "I know."
Me: "Text me if you have to go ANYWHERE else."
Him: "I will."
Me: "But I don't want you going anywhere else."
Him: "Okay."
Me: "Be sure and text me AS SOON as you leave."
Him: "I will."
Me: "But not while you're driving."
Him: "I won't."
Me: "I love you."
Him: "I love you too."
Him: "I'm here."
Me: (sigh of relief) "Thanks for texting me. Have a great day at work."
Me: (Calling) "Why haven't you texted me yet?"
Him: "Because I haven't left yet."
Me: "When are you leaving?"
Him: "In a little while. I'll text you."
Him: "I'm heading home."
Me: "Thanks for texting. Be careful."
Him: (Walking in the door) "I'm home."
Me: (Exhaling a prayer of gratitude)

VS:

Me: "Bye!"
My Mom: "Bye"

H2OMG!

2011-07-14T16:54:00.000-07:00

It has suddenly dawned on me that I have "crossed over." I am now in the category of women who actually get into the water to cool off. I don't give a hoot about a tan, and I jog in place with the hopes that when I towel off my thighs will not only be taut, but about as big around as the curling iron I no longer use because who uses those things anymore? It's all about the flat iron now. Flat, flat, flat. I do not like that word anymore. In fact, it has become a four-letter word to me. "Flat" is a bad tire!

I now own a bathing suit that has a built-in skirt. I consider it "dressing up" to go swimming. I no longer get goosebumps or "test the water" before getting in. I don't worry about mascara running because makeup has become "one more thing" that I have to take off at night. I'm sick of layers, whether it be in clothing or in my hair. I no longer "suck in" because it doesn't look any different when I don't. I'm past the sticker shock of the size on the tag...I just want something that is bigger than I am so I feel comfortable. I used to pay $30 for a 2 tiny pieces of material...now I pay $12 for one large piece. The fact that we are in the middle of one of the worst droughts on record has done nothing for my broken internal thermostat. Back when there was water and I owned a bikini, I was always too cold to jump in. Now...it's hotter than hell and I feel like creating some waves!

It's Getting Closer

2011-05-31T19:51:00.000-07:00

The countdown is well underway! We are in the last week of school. There is only a day and a half left and then time slows down. It's as if the opportunity presents itself for that other half of me to live a little. I love what I do but I also love doing nothing...and summer totally allows for that! Even though I work another week after the kids are finished with school, I don't mind it at all. There is something magical about driving my own car...by myself! There is something liberating about being the only one awake and getting ready. There is something incredible about walking out of the door ON TIME! Nope...I don't mind going to work while the kids stay home....but...I don't want to do it forever!

But it's those precious, well-anticipated, last couple of days of school that make me love the job that I do. Everyone is so excited and giddy...even the kids! It is such a gift to be blessed with a job that allows for renewal.

This is also the summer before my youngest enters into high school. Next school year finds me the mother of a junior and a freshman. We are talking an independent driver and an up coming high schooler. Everything is getting closer....jobs, dating, proms, graduation, college. I can remember being a kid and playing with my father's binoculars. I can still recall having to squeeze one of my eyes shut in order to get a clear view. My eyes are close set and the binoculars were always too wide. I remember looking through the lens and seeing trees and fence posts in clear view. No sooner had the objects come into view they would disappear as I jerked the binoculars away to see if I could see the same image with my own eyes. Sometimes I could, though not distinctly...other times not at all. I know I was fascinated with the dial in between the two lenses that allowed me to focus.

Well...now it time for me focus. I need to focus on being there for my children more than ever before. I need to focus on making sure they meet deadlines...volunteer...apply for scholarships. It's time to focus on slowing down even though life is speeding up. Wait! I want to turn those binoculars around so that when I look out into life things seem much farther away than they really are. It is becoming clear to me that I am going to have to let go of the binoculars and enjoy the view that is right before me.

Confirmation Please

2011-05-19T11:36:00.000-07:00

While it was my daughter who got confirmed this past Sunday, it was I who received confirmation. I received confirmation in that I had, in fact, followed through with the vows that I made when she and her brother were baptized. For four years "we" have been going to confirmation classes on Wednesday evenings as well as on Sundays. "We" have been getting home late and "we" have had to memorize scripture. While I believe this to be essential in their lives as Christians I must admit that I am relieved this accomplishment has been achieved. I find it interesting that the burdens we feel, as parents, are usually ones we heap upon ourselves. But deep down we know that the sacrifices we are making today will benefit our kids later in life. And that is just the thing...when we stop grumbling and complaining about all of the things we "have" to do...and realize that we are doing what needs to be done....then, and only then, can we come to appreciate not only what we are doing, but what our parents did (or didn't) do for us. This 'parenting thing' is so much more than making sure our kids look both ways before crossing the street, or that they remember to say 'please' and 'thank you.' It is about ensuring that our kids have some kind of firm foundation upon which to stand. Hopefully that foundation is large enough and sturdy enough to withstand the turbulence that will inevitably be thrown their way. I guess what I am trying to get at is this: yes, it was my daughter who was confirmed, but I can't help but to feel a little swelling of pride in knowing that I had a part in building a portion of her foundation. The fact that Jesus blessed those efforts last Sunday didn't hurt a bit!

You Light Up My Life

2011-05-15T16:06:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I was fortunate enough to be able to get together with some dear friends of mine. The way that we love each other despite the fact that some of us snort when we laugh (me), show up late (me), or bring their kids along to a girls' night out (me), is proof that our friendship is unconditional. This circle of women that I am blessed to be a part of knows when to listen and when to speak up. Each of us is an elixir for the other...a healing balm when needed. Each of us has multiple irons in the fire. Each of us longs for a chance to slow down and enjoy. And that is exactly what we did the other evening. As the sun set over the cedar filled hills we sauntered out of the kitchen and into the pool (our feet did at least). The echoing calls of the resident peacock and the gobble of the pet turkeys served as our evening's soundtrack. The farm cats lazily set the mood and we quickly followed suit. It's so nice to be able to completely relax...to not give a flip about excess skin or sloppy posture. Like the lounging cats, we flopped ourselves poolside and enjoyed the stories that are only funny to us. Even though laughter was involved, some tears welled up as well. As women, each of us has emotional strings that are alternately pulled and tugged. For some of us the triggers are children getting ready to graduate from high school in a matter of weeks. For others it is the fact that major decisions have to be made. No matter the situation, the fact is we have each other with us as we plow through these moments. As I become more and more who I was meant to be, I have noticed that God has lead me to be in the presence of people who make me better...people who build me up...people who I want to be like....people who love me. I am grateful for the people whose light has made my path a little brighter. I am thankful for the rainbow of love that has been reflected back to me via the prism of women I am happy to call my friends.

Cat Nip, Cat Nap, Catatonic...

2011-05-04T20:13:00.000-07:00

Little Miss Kitty is 7 months old now. This means that she fully rules the roost around here. I still absolutely adore her...so much so that I even love her when she hooks my nostril with her teeth at 3 a.m....I told you...love. For the most part though she sleeps outside. She loves hunting the cute little field mice. Originally we got cats because we thought they would help to keep the snakes, scorpions, and other creepies that bite, sting, or have poisonous venom, at bay. Turns out our cats prefer to stalk the beautiful, harmless swallows and the cute and furry eensie weensie field mice. But, nevertheless, at the end of a hard day of protecting the family, Kitty has discovered, like so many of us, being within close proximity to a bottle or two or four of merlot can be quite rewarding.

Buck Buck Buck

2010-12-27T13:43:00.000-08:00

The label on the feed sack said "Deer Corn," but apparently the deer don't know this product exists. So basically we're shelling out the dough to feed our free range chickens. I don't think a mounted chicken head would have the same effect that a 12 point Boone and Crockett would...even if it were a rooster...with a freak comb.

A Shoe In

2010-12-19T16:31:00.000-08:00

Isn't she beautiful? This is the newest member of the family. She came home with us on Thanksgiving day. We thought of calling her "Macy" (like the parade) but so far we only call her "Kitty," "Pretty Kitty"...and, on occassion, "Brat Cat" (this would be when she does things like climb up our Christmas tree and shake it until everything falls down and breaks...or when she climbs up into a potted plant and kicks all of the dirt out of it). But, who could get mad at her? Not me! I just love her!!! It all started when we got Snickers (my first cat) and I fell in love. Now I have an extra soft spot for this little one. I snapped the above picture of Kitty as she was circling around and around desperately trying to snuggle into my shoe.

Snug as a Roo in a Robe

2010-12-05T17:51:00.000-08:00

That’s my little Roo…content as can be… nestled in my clean, white, plush, robe…on my bed…even thought she isn’t allowed there anymore since I bought a new bedspread. Oh the pleasures of the forbidden! She makes me think about all of the times I wasn’t allowed to do certain things…but did them anyway…only to feel remorse and ultimately only wanted to wrap myself in the loving arms of my mother…the bestest most safest place in the world.

The Usual Suspects

2010-11-28T07:06:00.000-08:00

With my son out of town on a hunting trip the duty of caring for the chickens falls to yours truly. I suppose I should get our local meteorologist's cell number because I can usually predict the weather with ease...you see...every single time I have to spend some time in the chicken coop the weather is extremely wet or extremly freezing. Yesterday morning it was in the 20s! So, before I so much as poured the first cup of coffee of the day, I am outside with my pajama pants tucked into my rubber boots feeding the masses. Imagine my surprise when I opened the lid of the toolbox we use to house all of the feed and discovered my long lost mixing bowl, kitchen knife, and dishwashing gloves...the ones with the leopard design on them (obviously one must look fashionable when scraping the floor of the coop). Such is the life of a mother of a son. But, he is not the only borrower in the house. In my daughter's room one can find items such as: tweezers, hairspray, fingernail clippers, eyeshadows and fingernail polish....all of the things that at one time originated in my bathroom. Apparently what is mine is theirs...or rather the chickens in my son's case. I have deduced that since girls generally don't hang out in the barn with power tools they tend to seek out beauty tools instead. And when they find them they like to keep them within close proximity in the event that an emergency should arise...such as a stray eyebrow hair or a chipped nail. I have also deduced that since boys are not huge fans of cleanliness but instead prefer to eat, their favorite place to pilfer is naturally the kitchen. So, in the end, I have concluded that the crimes were committed in both the bathroom and the kitchen...by Colonel Mustard and Miss Scarlet, a.k.a. my son and my daughter.

The Chicks Dig Justin Bieber

2010-11-26T08:08:00.000-08:00

Baby Baby Baby...Ohhh! Bieber fever has reached our coop! It seems that at least one of our chickens has adopted Justin's famous do. This rooster can be seen flipping his head up and over to the side in an effort to get his hair...er...comb out of his eyes all day long. I've even been able to sneak up on him from the right side without him even knowing I'm there. So far I've only heard him crowing a "normal" crow...but if and when he starts to belt out a tune you can bet I'll bet the first to post it on You Tube!

Got Calcium?

2010-11-07T09:06:00.000-08:00

Just the other day my son brought me a "shell-less" egg. I had never ever seen anything like it before...I hadn't even heard of such a thing, and yet...there it was. He told me that it was the third one he had collected over the course of a few weeks. It turns out it is from some of our younger chickens who are laying for the first time. I was too chicken to "crack" it open...so we just kept it in the fridge and gently poked it every now and then. I couldn't help but to wonder "what if?" What if he had not collected it...could a chick survive in there? What exactly was in there? It had the textue and consistency of a saline implant and yet whenever you left it alone it maintained its "egg" shape.

This got me thinking about our own shells. Those tough exteriors we hide behind. When really we are just all mushy on the inside. We still maintain who we are when no one is making jabs at us. We are able to just "be." But all too often we don't let others see that softer side of us. So afraid of being labeled a "chicken" we allow our shells to get harder and harder...until one day...we crack. And that's when it all comes out. The good, the bad, and the ugly. We literally drain ourselves of all that was meant to be. So, instead of worrying about what others might think of us...our time would be better spent if we made sure our shells were a little more translucent and soft...enabling not only others to see through to us, but allowing us to see through to them. Note: I have a shell of my own and while I certainly don't want it to harden any more than necessary...I am going to be drinking a ton of milk just to be on the safe side!

Trick or Tweet?

2010-10-31T12:23:00.000-07:00

This morning I overheard a conversation between two young teens:

“I’m just going to buy a bag of candy.”

“Why?! It’s Halloween! You can get FREE candy!”

“Yeah…but you have to walk all around.”

I have heard that we, as a nation, are extremely lazy…and I guess the above exchange is valid proof. Sure, the girls are getting to the age where it’s more about the social aspect of it all rather than becoming a princess for the night. But even so…the very thought that it is too much work to have to walk up and down a block to receive candy, when all you really have to do is rip open an entire bag and eat it while vicariously experiencing Halloween via Facebook and Twitter, is becoming the norm for our youth.

So, if your doorbell does not ring and you’re left with a huge cauldron of candy at the end of the night don’t fret, just log on to your computer and chomp down on your treats while you read all your tweets! Happy Halloween!

Give Me A Break!

2010-10-22T17:54:00.000-07:00

Since my last posting I have been to either the emergency room, a hospital room, an imaging room, a specialist's room, an athletic trainer's room, or a sports injury room. Fortunately I was not the one being wheeled in, examined, x-rayed, splinted, iced, or casted. Unfortunately it was my mother and my son. Between my mom who has her left foot in a boot and my son who broke his middle finger and injured his back I seem to have this doctor office thing down. I almost have my insurance number memorized. Before all of the bone breaking I had an unfortunate break to the front end of my car...(apparently I didn't brake fast enough). Between deductibles and co-pays I am spent. I don't even know how I've managed to fit it all in. But, somehow, when I think I don't have any time to myself I find myself sitting in a waiting room for hours. What cruel and twisted irony. Events of this nature never really play themselves out when I am not accountable for my time. Nope. These things only happen sometime between when I leave my house before 7 a.m. and return home after 7 p.m. These things only occur when I am committed to (i.e. forced to) attend an after hours meeting or function. These things only present themselves when I am the stressed out working mother of two teens who need to be home so they can do their homework but can't get there because I'm the one who has to drive them to and from the practices and games and functions that cause bodily injury to them in the first place thus setting into action the need to miss more school so they can go to the doctor ultimately ending up in missed assignments and more homework that we are never home to do. In fact, I think it needs to be called "carwork." There...I feel better. (Part of me just feels better because I didn't even care if an english professor got hives while reading that run-on sentence! So there!). The other part of me feels better just to get all of that hostility out of my system. That's the thing about this fast-paced world...sooner or later things break....and the only way to fix them is to find a safe haven and hole up for a while. And that is exactly what I am doing right now. I am home alone (cue the angelic chorus) with all of the things that bring me joy. It is dark outside with only an amber glow down below. There is no other sound other than the tapping of the keyboard and the whir of my computer. That is how I heal.

My son's cast is off and he is at an out of town football game with a friend...how healing is that?

21st Sentry

2010-08-20T05:36:00.000-07:00

Well...this is it...the final farewell...the curtain call...the end...of my summer break, aka "the time in my life when I am calm, relaxed, spontaneous, and can go without makeup". Gone are the days of sleeping in...I must say adios to all things unhurried. But, before I start boo hooing into my morning cup of coffee, I must say that work does have its advantages...mainly getting to see my colleagues...my friends...every day. Much like the kids who are gearing up to go back to school (to see their friends), I am looking forward to the relationship part of it all. The homework part...nah...not so much. Each year at this time I stop and reflect...much like one does on January 1...about how this year I'm going to be more organized, have more patience, get enough sleep, etc., etc., etc. But the adult in me knows that deep down no matter how much I try to do all of the above...well...let's just say "life steps in." Even so I am determined to take things a little more slowly. I have such an appreciation for the "good old days"...a time when life was "simpler." As our world and surroundings speed forward "into the future" I have decided that, while I plan on keeping up with all of the progress, I am going to do what I can to be ever watchful of how I spend my days. Yes, I love my itouch and my cell phone and my computer. Sure, I have mastered texting and dabbled in skyping. I rely on emailing and troubleshooting and downloading. All of those things are wonderful and they have made my life a little easier in many ways. But this year I plan on relying heavily on enjoying and simply being. As I stand guard and watch out for all that is coming ahead I still want to remain in touch with all that once was.

Monkeying Around

2010-08-16T16:44:00.000-07:00

This is the sight that greeted me when I came home today after leaving the kids home alone while I was at work. Tonight I am writing out a detailed list of chores that absolutely must be completed before they can burn their stuffed animals at the stake. Meanwhile, the kitchen showed signs of use as well. I had to resist the strong urge to wipe up and wash out...after all...I wanted to have something for the little darlings to do tomorrow when I leave them alone again. See, that's the "fun" of going to work...you never know what surprises await you once you return home. It was so "exciting" to find mystery stains on the couch pillows and such a "joy" to notice how many pots and pans had been used in a single day. I especially liked discovering that honey was a part of lunch today. So now I'm left wondering which is better: having to monitor every single move your toddler makes...or being completely unaware of your teenager's activities. Yes, I know, "good" parents know everything their teen is up to....but still....ignorance is bliss!!

Friends Unearthed

2010-08-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

I recently had the pleasure of visiting the home of a dear friend of mine. This lady is just that...a lady...in every sense of the word. Her home was a true reflection of the genuine and elegant nature she exudes in person. Her private and personal world felt welcoming and real...and I love that in a person as well as in a home. Through the years I've been blessed with a group of women to surround myself with. It has been said that you become like the five people you hang around with the most...and if that proves itself true then I am in great company!

My friend's home got me thinking about who we really are at our core. Who we are when no one else is looking. Home has always been a refuge for me...the place I long to be more than anywhere else. I have a sign hanging in my house that says, "Surround Yourself With Things You Love," and to me, that includes our friends. I am extremely fortunate in the fact that I get to work with and interract with these wonderful ladies every day. This leads me to believe that these women were placed in my life for a reason. Each of us has our own passions and quirks and each of us loves the other for them. With each passing year our group learns more and more about the other; and as each layer of our persona is unearthed we becomre more and more exposed for who we truly are. As both the years and the layers have passed by and peeled away we have only grown closer and loved deeper. My dear friends...you are my home and I love you all.

Doctor's Orders

2010-08-03T10:01:00.000-07:00

Took the kids to get their yearly physicals in order for them to participate in athletic events for the upcoming school year...and get this: the doctor told my daughter that it was okay to eat salty foods prior to and after exerting herself!! Something about low blood pressure and ??? I can't remember...all I heard was "salt." I can still recall the moment when my own doctor prescribed a glass of red wine every night. First wine now salt....can life get any better than this? When I get a prescription for chocolate you'll be the first to know!!

Closed for Nesting

2010-07-24T07:45:00.000-07:00

I have just spent the night alone IN MY OWN HOME!!! The family had been farmed out to various locations and I was the one who got to stay put!! Hee Hee...I'm so giddy I'm frozen to the spot. I know that this time is precious but also fleeting. The clocks are spinning way too quickly around here...I'm running out of time!! I am trying to "relax" and enjoy the solitude but at the same time I'm wanting to be productive. I'm trying to cram in a lifetime of wants in a short amount of time. Yesterday I had a dear friend over and we were able to catch up, laugh, and visit uninterrupted....I know! WEIRD!!!! It was amazing! After she left I could immediately feel the heaviness of the blanket of quiet that fell upon me. Should I watch a movie of my choice? Nah...don't want to "waste my time" sitting and staring for 2 hours. Maybe I could write a little...nope...have nothing to say since my day went without chaos. I know...I'll read....nope....that'll only make me tired. Bath? Wine? Organize? Exercise? Okay...delirium was obviously starting to seep in (organize?!...exercise?!) So I ended up doing what any busy mom with time to herself would do...I went to bed early...IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BED with my hands and feet touching all four corners....and I slept all night long! It was glorious!!

Tired

2010-07-23T18:04:00.000-07:00

Spent some time outdoors watching a flat tire being changed...ugh! It scared me to think that the last time that I actually loosened a lug nut was back when I was forced to during a driver's ed class in high school. Sure, I know that I could if I absolutely had to....but...ugh! Especially on a day like today when just standing outside and not even moving resulted in sweat actually beading and dripping down my body...it was like a sauna...the stifling kind...the "you are going to suffocate and die if you don't rush out of here and into an air conditioned building" kind of stifling...ugh! Just the thought of having to lie down ON THE GROUND even if it were on a blanket, and exert oneself FOR THE SAKE OF CHANGING A TIRE!!!! UGH! You see, I hate to be the "typical woman" and expect a guy to change my tire...but....well.....they are just so good at it!

Squawk Box

2010-07-22T12:52:00.000-07:00

Me: (in sweet voice) “Don’t forget to pick up all of your things around the house and take them to your room.”

Them: “---“

Me: (in whiney voice) “You need to get all of your stuff out of here.”

Them: “---“

Me: (in sharp tone) “I’ve already asked you several times to clean up…I want this mess picked up!”

Them: “we will.”(as they exit premises)

Me: (noting the entire contents of my bedroom drawers stacked in towering and teetering piles up the staircase) "AAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" (then I exit the premises)

For me summer is all about the opportunity to slow things down...to work on all of the projects I fantasize about completing "when I have time." Project #1 is usually always the purging of junk in an effort to streamline and simplify life when I'm back at work. The hard part about all of this is the fact that I don't necessarily want to spend my time off cleaning. But then again I don't want to spend my time on cleaning either. Truth be told: I don't want to clean-period! Nevertheless I spent a couple of days taking all of the things I have squirreled away in my bedroom and have decided to squirrel them away in the loft (I never truly get rid of anything...I just move it from one room to another). The method here is to stuff as much schtuff as you can in the one room most people are never likely to visit. So, after this afternoon I should at least have a cleaner bedroom. The loft will be cleaned next summer when I bring everything back down and cram it into my bedroom.

...and sat down beside her...

2010-07-21T12:48:00.000-07:00

Just in case you've never been "fortunate" enough to see a black widow spider up close and personal I thought I'd show you a picture of the one that fell from grace onto my glass top patio table out on the porch yesterday. The spider is on its back so you can see the tell-tale red hourglass marking on its abdomen.....creepy! But having lived in the country all of my life I don't know what bothers me more...the spider or the dusty smears on the glass?

Ta-Dah!

2010-07-19T11:27:00.000-07:00

"Thank You....Thank You Very Much! I'm so glad you have been enjoying my crowing practice every single crack of dawn morning of your summer vacation!"

Ahh...livin' the country life! Some people actually leave the convenience of the city to spend the weekend in the "peace and quiet." Oh sure, it's quiet here...relatively speaking. I sleep with earplugs every night and I can still hear the roosters' crows, the cicadas' songs, and the peeping of the peepers. But these "noises" are very soothing and remind me that nature is "alive" all around me...even when things appear to be still. It is nice to sit outside and hear the whir and zip of a hummingbird...the skitter and scratch of a tree lizard...the whistle and snort of a doe who saw you before you saw her. There is truly something magical about living out in the country...about not seeing another human for days on end. My country home affords me the luxury of solitude and reflection. At home I am able to watch and learn from the animals who teach me something new every day. Sure, the crowing contests outside can be a bit annoying (especially when they take place around 4 a.m.) but they can also be comforting as well. In fact...they remind me of my own brood...the ones who scratch and peck...strut and crow...sleep and eat. The ones who are starting to venture out a little farther from their coop with each passing day....but who, at least for now, return to their home nest every night.

Bullet List

2010-07-16T07:04:00.000-07:00

A bullet list my day:

• Got allergy shots

• Reacted to allergy shots

• Played “I Spy” with police cars (kind of like "Slug Bug"...but without the slugging)

• Got pulled over by a police car (he just wanted to "give me some 'advice')

• Dropped off junk @the thrift store

• Bought more junk @the thrift store

• Took son to the cardiologist

• Took daughter to look at paint samples

• Paid a bill @a department store

• Bought more stuff @the same department store

• Tried to return a broken product

• Was told product worked “just fine” (when tested in the back room)

• Was welcomed at Cici’s Pizza

• Was thanked for visiting Cici’s Pizza

• Debated having a glass of wine after allergist gave me prednisone

• Decided if I was going to have another reaction I’d rather it be to wine

Yes, all of these things happened to me in one single day. Sorry to leave out the interesting parts.

Anybody Home?

2010-07-14T10:11:00.000-07:00

Now this sounds like my kind of place!! I couldn't help but to visualize a wrought-iron staircase spiralling down beneath the street's surface. A kind of "cobwebby" kind of place....complete with an oddly quiet front desk manager. The kind of place where all sounds of the "outside world" are completely muffled and you get the intense feeling that, even though you are the only one in the whole place....you are not as alone as you think. A place where keys are unneccessary because the walls can't contain the spirits who serve you. But if you are brave enough to stay...you eventually discover the lever to the hidden staircase in the wine cellar....and that's where you find a colorful and lively party of nobody's living it up!

"I Cry For Happy!"

2010-07-13T16:21:00.000-07:00

This one's for all "my girls" out there! (You know who you are!) I miss the laughter...the "you had to be there" moments. Being off work for the summer has its perks, don't get me wrong....but the women I work with...share my day to days with....well I miss them....terribly! There is something to be said about comaradarie...especially among women. Now that I am a part of the community of women who wet their pants everytime they sneeze I fell in love with this sign I saw in a shop window on the main street in Ruidoso, New Mexico during a recent road trip. Even though the store was closed for the night that didn't stop me from taking a quick picture with my cell phone and sending it to all of my partners in crime. It's moments like these that make me realize that life is all about our relationships with others. It is about building memories out of moments that, at the time, don't seem that funny.....but.....later on down the road bring tears to your legs.

Too Small and Too Big at the Same Time

2010-07-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

I knew my daughter had grown out of the majority of her clothes....but I had forgotten about the growing out of herself part of it all. Yesterday, while purging her closet I discovered that she did, indeed, have carpeting in there after all! Like most of us girls, my daughter gravitated toward the same few articles of clothing that were her favorites and basically ignored everything else taking up space and convincing her that she had "tons" of things to wear. As it turns out she had good reason to neglect certain articles of clothing....especially the ones that were either four sizes too small or else resembled something a nine or ten year old would be more interested in. Existing in the ambivalent and fuzzy area of "too big for the 'kid' section and too small for the 'adult' section, my teen daughter now has "nothing to wear." Boy don't we all know that feeling...even with a closet full of clothes. Like any responisble and frugal mother, I refuse to buy her anything for school until the day before it starts because she is more than likely to a)grow out of it the following week, and b)drastically change her opinion of what's "cool" based upon all of the look-alikes who flit about campus. This "wait until August" approach does not sit well with my daughter but I am holding my ground. As I held up each piece of clothing for her to say "yay" or "nay" to I had to admit that I, too, could instantly see most of it was a "nay." Especially when I came to the oh so tiny denim mini skirt and little white shoes.....wait a minute!! She never wore that?! This little "outfit" belonged to one of her stuffed animals....a beloved rabbit who was way better dressed than she ever was! It was at this point when I realized that not only was my daughter outgrowing all of the clothes I just bought for her less than six months ago, but that she was also outgrowing all of the things that little girls play with as well. No, I don't wish she would stay little forever...and, no, I don't reserve any tears for the years of following a toddler around....but I do realize that time is beginning to whiz by a little faster than it ever did before....which is weird in the sense that when life is crazy insane it seems like you are stuck in a time warp with no end in sight (such as when babies keep you up all night....such as when they only want to be held while you're attempting to eat dinner....such as when you have to pack, prepare, buckle up, unbuckle, carry inside--just to pump gas--and then repeat the whole process backward just to drive back home). And yet, when your kids are finally old enough to bathe themselves, afford you the luxury of eating an entire bowl of cereal in one sitting, and actually teach you things....well time just whips right past you before you even have a chance to glance down at your watch. On the bright side....I don't have to buy clothes for inanimate objects anymore.....unless you consider a teenager an inanimate object!

Probing for Time

2010-07-12T11:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like the only way I will be able to accomplish a task without interruption is if I were abducted by aliens and whisked away...I'm not even scared of being probed....whatever it takes! It seems that every time I sneak up the stairs to peck on the keyboard I am summoned for one thing or another....something usually urgent and important like retrieving a bath towel for someone in the shower...or to be shown the latest hair style on the latest Disney tween. Silly me thought that during my time off in the summer I'd write during THE DAY instead of at midnight, five a.m., or...gasp...while commuting...but...there I went again....dreaming my crazy dreams...again! Some habits are hard to break darnit! Nevertheless I know deep down inside that I will write my entire life...and sometimes the actual writing part of it has to take second seat to the actual living of it (or else what would I have to write about?!). So that is why I'm spending the day helping my daughter clean out her closet....(which, in itself is something definitely worth writing about!...stay tuned!)

2010-07-09T07:36:00.000-07:00

The Mesa Verde Cliff Dwellings....unbelievable. Yeah....and do you know how you get to be able to view them? You hike! You climb! You pant! Yup....another day on "vacation" I was tricked into exercising!

You had me at STOP

2010-07-08T17:14:00.000-07:00

Recently, while on "vacation," I came across 3 signs...the first one said "STOP," the second one said "CAUTION," and the third one said, "BE PREPARED." Where were the "RELAX", "ENJOY", and "POOL THIS WAY" signs??? The words of Goldie Hawn's character in "Overboard" kept ringing in my ears: "I'm not supposed to be here!" Like Alice in Wonderland, I was beginning to wonder just what I was getting myself into. (How I wish the signs had been "EAT ME" or "DRINK ME!") I was begining to ascend down down down into the rabbit hole...er...Carlsbad Caverns. A huge hole in the ground...the dank, dark, cold, no one will be able to find you kind of hole. And I was doing this because I was on VACATION. Huh? Wait just a second....did I just get tricked into exercising?!

Compact Car

2010-07-05T18:11:00.000-07:00

I drive a VW Jetta TDI. I love my car. I truly do. I love it for multiple reasons. One of the top reasons is that it gets, on average, 47-48 mpg! This comes in handy during family roadtrip vacations such as the one we just returned from. The four of us, two adults and two teenagers, rode in our compact car from the Texas Hill Country, through New Mexico, up into Colorado, and back again over the past week. And we brought all our stuff with us. I don't know what it is, but I absolutely have to have my stuff with me--as in surrounding me and touching me at all times...kind of like my very own jackdaw nest. Only....I totally need my space! This poses quite the problem for me because, although I finally packed "light" (instead of a gigantic suitcase on wheels I brought a small suitcase on wheels...and a duffel...and a "bathroom/cosmetic pouch"...and a tote for all of my reading material...and a small backpack for all of the charger cords for our electronics......)
Luckily my son has been immersing himself in all things Bear Grylls so he packed like a true survivor and basically left home with the clothes he had on his back, and binoculars. My daughter, thank goodness, does not have the pack rat/girl scout mentality of her mother and could carry her "luggage" in both hands. Since my kids' legs are now longer than their torsos there was no way I would be able to scoot or lay my seat back. Even when sitting in the back seat with my daughter for a while I had to convince my spine that it was comfortable in a twisted position. But, with the help of my eyemask, my earplugs, and a couple Advil too many I lived to tell the tale. We had a great time and were able to see some pretty amazing things. Like the time my daughter got to stare at the soles of my feet for a couple hundred miles.

On a Roll

2010-06-28T08:10:00.000-07:00

I take great honor in knowing that I have what it takes to change a roll of toilet paper. It must be something I inheirited from my mother, as she too was gifted in this department. Not only can I change it but I can sense when it's going to need to be changed....I know....amazing! It's like having "the right stuff" without having to fly to the moon. I don't think there is a badge awarded for this skill of mine but if there were I would iron that baby on pronto! Not only am I able to accomplish this feat at home, I am able to help out my workplace and the community at large as well. Yup...the roll always ends when I enter the room. I'm just lucky that way I guess. Last week my son and I were visiting one of our favorite thrift stores when my bladder started to swell. I asked the shop owner where the nearest restroom was with the hopes that she'd say, "Oh we have one here!"...instead she replied, "Uh....um....the nearest one is at Church's Chicken." With this in mind I did the only thing a girl could do...I kept shopping for bargains. When I simply could not hold it any longer I politely told the shop owner that I wanted to keep shopping but that I would be leaving my pile of goods and my son behind to waddle across the street. This worked because she immediately reached underneath her counter and pulled out a key on a stick and a 4-pack of toilet paper. I sh** you not! She proceeded to tell me that she hadn't had a chance to replenish the TP and hated for me to go back there without it (sweet lady). I grabbed the package and the numchuck-looking key and raced to the rear ...of the store! Like a fireman and a Navy Seal all wrapped in one I broke through the door, ripped apart the plastic, and, in mere seconds I was on a roll!

Google in a Box

2010-06-27T10:30:00.000-07:00

At yesterday's estate sale I walked right past the Log Cabin Syrup tin, the plastic Mary Kay pouches, and the mitre saw, and headed straight toward the boxes of books. One such box was filled with reference materials including The Standard Dictionary of Facts. Say what?! A whole entire BOOK of FACTS?! It was like finding Google in a Box! My how far we have come. Even though it is nice to be able to search online without having to pick mud dauber clumps off of pages it is just a tad sad to think that books such as the ones above are relegated to cardboard boxes at estate sales. Maybe I'm "old school" but I can still flip through a dictionary and find what I'm looking for faster than I can if I go upstairs, turn on the computer and log in. While I have one hand firmly holding a book, the other hand has been known to upload ebooks. I've been trying out the ikindle app on my itouch and must admit that it is quite convenient to have a "shelf" full of books with me at all times. But I do miss the physicality of actually holding a book, turning the pages, and, yes, smelling it. While I vow to keep up with all of the technological advances that present themselves, I vow also to cherish my "real" books. They are like friends to me and bring back wonderful memories everytime I see them. Being able to read ebooks has made me a little more selective in which books I choose to purchase as hard copies and that is a good thing as there is very little wall or floor space left in my house for more tomes. In case you were wondering, I did not purchase The Standard Dictionary of Facts, the main reason being it had mildew all inside and along the edge of every page....something I haven't had to deal with when searching Google lately.

Don't Touch My Stuff!

2010-06-26T15:50:00.000-07:00

I went to an estate auction early this morning. Normally I love a good deal...but every time I attend an estate sale I get overcome with emotion. I become very saddened by the fact that the owner of all of the possessions has no idea that all of their belongings are being fondled by strangers. This makes me rethink my own hoarding issues. I love people, I really do...I just don't like to share. I was especially protective of my stuff as a child. I distinctly remember the times my mother's best friend would come over and visit us for the day. She would bring along her daughter, who was the same age as me. I really liked this girl...except when she marched right over to my closet and started trying on my shoes. Since I was taught to be polite I held my tongue albeit through a clenched jaw. I can easily recall walking over to my mother who was enjoying her sweet tea and catching up with her friend at the dining room table and whispering in her ear, "She's wearing my shoes!" My eyes were no doubt as wide as they could be trying to translate my dire need for an intervention--pronto!
As I walked around the front yard of the old farm house it was easy for me to tell that the lady of the house was an avid cook and had a way with a sewing machine. She enjoyed quilts and all manor of costume jewelry. If you study the photo you'll notice a wedding dress hanging on the front porch. All of the other items were laid out on folding tables in the yard separated by category to be auctioned off in lots. This got me thinking about all of the things that are mine...all of the minutiae that I simply can't part with for whatever reason. It scares me to think of the unthinkable...what if.... But then a smile starts to tug at the corner of my lip...just one corner...a kind of smirk.....just what exactly would one be able to deduce about "the lady of my house?" I certainly am no whiz in the kitchen...although I have every Pampered Chef item ever sold. I've never sewn an article of clothing (unless you count that plaid sleep shirt I was forced to make in homemaking)...but I have several quilts. Hmmm....just what does our stuff say about us? I am a tad nervous about all of my writings and journals and snippets of papers lying about....those are the real tell-alls.....I think it's time to invest in a vault!

Brace Yourself

2010-06-25T09:02:00.000-07:00

My thirteen year old daughter got braces today. Prior to this her life was "over" at the mere thought. Now...not so much. The hardest part (for me) was listening to her list of worries (she's a brooder like her mother). While I could certainly understand her plight I found it hard to relate as I was pretty much "okay with it" when I got braces at her age. Her teeth are relatively straight...it's more of a "jaw alignment issue" for her. We're looking at approximately 14 months of payments...er...braces. The price tag is a definite eye-opener for a bargain hunter like me. Wouldn't it be nice if items such as braces went on sale every now and then? BOGO BRACES!!! (that's Payless Shoe's "Buy One Get One" slogan for those of you who may not have ever shopped at a place with "Pay Less" in its title). As for me...I absolutley love thrift stores and rummage shops. In fact, earlier in the day I purchased a diamond ring for $4.77...same price I paid for the chair I'm sitting in right now! Okay...I'll admit...there's a slight chance the "diamond" (which is at least 1 carat) is not real.....but....it could be. But back to the braces.....while I probably wouldn't buy a set of "gently worn" braces for my daughter it would be nice to find them on sale. The very thought of plunking down a LOT of money on anything gets me all queasy inside and yet today I handed over a check in which the amount box was a tad too small for the amount. And I was buying something that A)my daughter did NOT want; B)was going to sink my daughter's self esteem; and C)was, quite frankly, not fashionable. Can you just imagine what I could have bought instead?? We're talking items the likes of A)a sports car; B)a small swimming pool; and C)an entirely fun, cute, and fashionable wardrobe! It's so weird how we deprive ourselves of some of the things we want because they cost so much and yet we'll fork over the funds for items such as A)a new transmission; B)a new pump for a dried up well; and C)torture devices for our children because...let's face it....they all could use a little straightening up....and, darn it, you just can't put a price tag on that.

What a Crock

2010-06-24T17:41:00.000-07:00

I had this crazy notion that once I was at home for the summer I'd be able to live life the way I was intended. I assumed I'd be able to wake up refreshed from all the lounging I did the day before. I figured I'd actually sip my coffee for hours (instead of spilling it on me en route to work). I just knew I'd do all of this ALONE while my TEENAGERS SLEPT LATE. I know...I'm insane. The problem with that diagnosis is that no will even come and take me away. You see...it's "that time in MY life" where "time off" translates as "time to cater to my children's needs." Who do they think they are expecting me to rise and shine TO AN ALARM on my days off?! I certainly don't recall reading this fine print anywhere in the parenting manual the lactation nurse left in my custody all those years ago. Come to think of it I don't recall much of anything anymore. All I know is that I thought our schedule was frenetic and on the verge of emploding while school was in session. Ha!
For the past couple of weeks I've counted myself lucky if I left my house with at least some form of clothing on at least one part of it. This is because my son wakes up BEFORE his chickens. He exercises BEFORE my coffee pot even clicks on! (I'm thinking of having him evaluated....something is not right....).
I love him dearly nonetheless...especially since he inherited every gene I don't have. And have I mentioned that this strange beast is ALWAYS HUNGRY! Yeah...'bout that....
This is the ultimate kink in my chord. How on Earth is one expected to prepare a meal ...a hearty meal...fit for a growing boy before he attends a strength and speed "camp" 4 days a week for a MONTH?!? HOW?! I haven't even had "my time" out on the porch sipping coffee and flipping magazine pages! I haven't been able to "ease into my day." I AM NOT AWAKE! Gone are the "pour yourself some cereal" days. So too are the "how about some toast and jelly?" mornings. Now I am expected to turn on the stove and measure multiple ingredients, all before 7:00 in the morning...IN THE SUMMER! What a crock!

Giving Voice to Change

2010-06-23T12:47:00.000-07:00

This here pic is of one of our young roosters. He is just now starting to crow...er...attempt to crow. This means that inside and outside of my house voices are changing. While my son's voice seems to have deepened effortlessly without any embarrassing croaks, the same cannot be said about this here rooster. His daily crows remind me of those old-timey barnyard sound machine/toys I used to shake and tip over repeatedly to hear those muffled moos and baaahs from....remember those? They were nothing more than a small, enclosed tube with something mysterious inside that, when shaken or tipped over, emitted a sound. Anywho...the sounds coming from this teenrooster are down right hilarious. Everytime I hear his crow (which sounds more like he's being strangled to death rather than trying to rise and shine) I can't help but to think about how we all have our awkward stages. Sometimes those stages last longer than we care to acknowledge but, in the end, we grow out of them...if not through them onto the next awkward stage. He makes me want to do what I choose to do and do so boldly--without fear of anyone else's reaction or comment. So what if I am "a little off" in my attempts...who cares if I don't look or sound or act like I am "suppose to"...I am at a point in my life where I have a few things to say and don't want to keep my words stuck in a muffled tube. It's time to shake things up and crow!

Simply Stuffed

2010-06-22T10:37:00.000-07:00

Simplify! Simplify! Simplify! That's what I kept telling myself that I was going to do as soon as I was off for the summer. I mentally prepared myself to toss everything I ever owned except for my coffee maker...and my mug...and my favorite blanket....oh yeah...and that little swallow's nest I found on the ground.......

This was obviously going to be harder than I thought. I've steeled myself against sentimentality...I don't want to live in clutter and be surrounded by junk only to one day die and have a house full of strangers pick through my belongings. I want to own my stuff rather than having it own me (yes, I've been reading "How To Organize" books...but now I have so many of them I don't know where to put them)!

I go back and forth between craving a minimalist and modern existence free from clutter and opting instead for my "lived in/everything has a story" reality. Every now and then I pretend that at tornado is on its' way and realize that not much of it really matters anyway...I would certainly live without my dust collectors...yes, life would go on. I've thought often about the possibility of boxing up all of my stuff and storing it (but that would mean I'd have to purchase a barn the size of a warehouse).

Everytime I opt to carry a small purse I inevitably need my hand sanitizer, my laundry stick, some tissue, the bug spray, and a travel pillow. But when I bring my huge purse...okay...BAG...I can't find any of the items I know are in there. I like being prepared...I just don't like to prepare. I am getting extremly tired of thinking ahead and predicting any and all possible outcomes to any situation that might present itself. Since I've been off work I've packed and unpacked twice and am getting ready to pack again. Both times I overdid it..as usual. Both times I didn't have what I needed/wanted... or did I?

The Long and Shorts of it

2010-06-17T14:47:00.000-07:00

Oh the weather outside is HOT! So off I went to buy some shorts for the kids. Is it just me or are the girls' shorts getting shorter and the boys' shorts getting longer? When I held up my son's shorts they looked like capris on me! And when I held up my daughter's shorts they looked .... well...we just won't go there!
It's times like these when it is fun to have "one of each"...a son and a daughter. I obviously don't have to listen to fights about having to share clothes. But I do enjoy having a boy and a girl in my life. Their interests and their personalities never cease to warm me. They have inadvertantly opened my eyes to the differences in the sexes. On a daily basis I am reminded of just how body conscious girls can be and how oblivious boys are. I see first-hand how guys grab an article of clothing off the rack and buy it while girls have to finger every item in the store, try on one of each color, debate over an indecipherable hue difference, and then 'narrow it down' to the "final 15" choices. Boys can get by on two pair of shorts all summer long while girls need multiple shorts in multiple lengths, colors, and textures. And so the saga continues well into adulthood. There is no use trying to figure it out....we are the way we are because that's just the way we are!
(That being said: this girl will not only be purchasing longer shorts this summer but they will be camouflaged as well!)

NeverAgainLand

2010-06-15T11:45:00.000-07:00

As the days passed it became painfully clear we must have taken the 2nd star to the left as we traveled straight on 'til morning. We were nowhere near the likes of Neverland. We had ended up in NeverAgainLand...AGAIN! That's right folks, I took another trip to the coast...something I totally recall saying "Never Again" to last year...and the year before that.....

So why did I commit? ...ah yes....I have KIDS....kids who like to go to the beach! Kids who don't have to worry about packing, providing, or applying sunscreen in a timely manner because....well...because they have a brooding chick to take care of all that! So, after a sticky day spent on the beach I immediately jumped into the fresh, clean, clear, refreshing water of the swimming pool...THE best feeling of the day!! I was FINALLY grit free!! After a few flips and handstands I noticed a couple sunning themselves on an upper deck. I loved how the only thing I could see was their shadows through the mesh. My first thoughts were of Peter Pan and his playful shadow. Were these two people real? Or had they been reduced to mere shadows of their former selves?

I enjoyed spending vacation time with family but I am not the world's biggest fan of sand, sweat, and sunburnt skin (see posts: "She's Gone Coastal" 6/30/08 & "The Beach is for the Birds" 7/29/09). But as I observed the animated shadows in front of me I began to feel lighter myself. I was rinsed, refreshed, and ready to proceed with the evening now that I had "bathed" myself in the pool (one less chore to deal with later on). I started to realize that, like Peter Pan, our childhoods should be filled with happy thoughts and fun adventures. Sure, there are ticking clocks around every corner and even a couple of pirates here and there wanting to steal the things we treasure most. But if our treasures are our memories...well...no one can take those from us.

And so, in an effort to gift my children with a summer memory of time spent with grandparents, parents, and each other...memories of body surfing, boogie boarding, and wave jumping...countless hours of dominoes, inside jokes, and giggling until the inevitable happens.....I took a trip to NeverAgainLand....again.

Gypsy

2010-06-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

Sitting on the couch with my daughter's legs resting across my own. We are connected via the sharing of earbuds. She is sharing a new song she downloaded onto her iPod today; Shakira's "Gypsy." I'm still learning the lyrics but so far I like the idea of being free...free from all of the things that hold me back...free to be me. I also love the idea of being a part of my daughter's world as opposed to being apart from it.

In the morning we will leave for a mini vacation to the beach. We will embrace the opportunity to walk barefoot in the sand...free from our tight-fitting shoes and all of the other things that bind and limit us. We shall be free...gypsies in the sand.

Time to Negotiate

2010-06-10T11:21:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago I treated myself to lunch...I'm thoughtful that way. Although I truly do enjoy the company of other people (sometimes) I often prefer to be alone. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my soul craves the opportunity to collect her thoughts....to recharge....to simply "be." While that may be true, as a working mother I am surprised that I do not have a permanent indentation in the meaty part of my shoulder from all of the incessant poking it receives. Allow me to give you an example: "poke-poke-poke-Mom! Mom!poke-poke-poke-Mom!! Mom!!poke-poke-poke-Miss!! Miss!! poke-poke-poke!" There are times when I have to restrain myself from screaming "GO AWAY!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"

And that is why, during my last week of work--a week without students and the typical after-school taxi services I offer my children...free of charge...I'm thoughtful that way...I found myself the single occupant of a table for four in one of my favorite Chinese food restaurants.

As I sipped my soup and chewed my chicken I found that I was finally slowing down...relaxing..."being." When my check arrived so to did my fortune:

"Negotiations move along smoothly. The outcome is favorable!"

My first thought was..."What am I in need of negotiating? Huh? Where's the part that predicts I'm going to collect a windfall?" I have to admit I was a little let-down...I really wanted a "good" fortune...something I could believe in...hang on to...as I began my summer break. But just this morning, after some quiet devotional time alone in my loft, I began to see my "fortune" in an entirely different light. There is another definition of the word "negotiate" as found in Barron's Pocket Dictionary and Thesaurus: "Get over an obstacle or difficulty." ....hmmmm.... now that's more like it!!! I couldn't help but notice that this definition was the third and final entry. This got me thinking that maybe our first, or even second thought, impression, or feeling, may not always be the "right" one. Sometimes we have to negotiate around several obstacles in our paths, in our lives, in our souls to find a favorable outcome.

Free At Last!

2010-06-09T18:57:00.000-07:00

Fortunately I have never been in jail before....but I have been a prisoner....a prisoner of work that is. But today was officially my "release day." I love the fact that educators actually have a beginning and an ending to their work year. We get to clean up, clean out, and ultimately walk out. As I walked out of the doors of the school building that I call home for 10 months out of the year I did so with a bounce in my step. In under one minute I went from being a paid professional adult to a school girl without a care in the world...I was a kid again!!! I wanted to throw reams of paper up into the air and fling my legs back behind me like they always did in those old Toyota commercials. I wanted to peel out of the parking lot and meet up with all of my friends and head to the lake...windows down. Instead I drove to Walmart and went grocery shopping. My school girl bubble burst as soon as remembered that I had two starving children waiting at home. The good news is that I realized that I can actually be a functioning member of society when I am not working and I am shopping sans kids. It was actually a revelation I tell you! I was in and out of there with only the items that I came for...and I didn't have to turn my back to the security cameras to scold the little eye-roller either. All of a sudden it became all too clear to me: I am capable of ............anything. I actually carried on a conversation with a complete stranger....I did not huff and puff with the customer in front of me could not figure out how to swipe their card or tap the screen..... I WAS FINALLY NOT IN A HURRY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!
Now, don't get me wrong here....I do love my job (thank heaven for that!) but I still can't figure out the actual crime I committed that landed me there.

Will You Help Me Do Something By Myself?

2010-06-08T08:36:00.000-07:00

Just the other day, right after receiving communion, I snuck out of church for a restroom break. As soon as I opened the door I could hear the voice of a little girl babbling on and on to her mother they way children do when they believe that sitting on the toilet is something that should take hours. In their unrushed way they will swing their little legs and talk and talk and talk…while Mama patiently tries to hurry them along. I heard “Mom” mumble something to which the little girl responded, “I can do it MYSELF!” By the time I came around the corner to wash my hands I noticed the same little girl, in white eyelet ankle socks and an all white summer Sunday dress, washing her hands HERSELF…albeit while standing on a chair her mother had provided for her---so the girl could have her “independence.” This child was simply beaming and the notion that she was not only getting her hands wet, but that she was pumping the soap dispenser like a bona fide pro. She proceeded to explain to me that the faucets had been replaced so now she didn’t have to keep turning them on. Once again “Mom” was patiently standing there waiting for this washing ritual to be finished….but only after her daughter dried her hands HERSELF.

This got me thinking about all of the times children demand that they do something without assistance…it is part of growing up. The problem with it is that while they are adamant about going it alone they truly need our guidance and help. And then, as luck would have it, the little darlings do grow up and are, in fact, independent…they can make their own bed, brush their own teeth, clean their own room, and do their own homework….ironically this is when they scream, “MOM!!! I NEED YOUR HELP!!!”

Floored

2010-06-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

Just the other day I had some time to spare between getting off work and picking up my daughter after school. I drove on over to the nearest gas station to grab some drinks for the ride home, and after parking the car I flung open my door and then leaned over to the passenger's seat to grab my purse. As I was doing so my heavy door started to swing shut. I stopped it with my foot and thrust it back open (as it takes me a ridiculously long amount of time to gain enough leverage to heft my ridiculously heavy purse up and over to my shoulder--while in the sitting position). Once again the door would not remain open and swung back with a vengenance resulting in yet another kick from me. When I finally emerged from my car I saw that a man in a truck was patiently waiting to pull in to the spot next to me. He was pointing and his mouth was moving in an animated fashion. Uh-oh. Immediately I was convicted of being one of "those people" who I point and mouth at...you know...the ones who take FOREVER to get out of their car, turn the corner, or back out of a parking space. The odd thing was that this man was smiling. I felt compelled to walk over to him ignoring all the internal voices shouting "stranger danger" to me.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I immediatly began to plead. But the gentleman (yes, now he is a gentleman) politely laughed and told me he thought I was his friend "Jerry" who drives the same kind of car that I do. He thought Jerry was just messing with him on purpose--ha. I then went on to tell him that I thought he may be pointing to my open gas tank or a possible flat tire. Fortunately neither of these things occurred and as he and I walked toward the station's front doors he told me "Life is too short to be in a hurry."

Relieved that our encounter was a pleasant one I paid for my bottled waters and rushed back out to my car (life may be too short to be in a hurry but when the school bell rings and the parent line backs up and you have to pick up two children at two different schools at the same exact time...well...life's too rushed to slow down sometimes). In my haste I quickly clicked the unlock button on my key fob and flopped into the driver's seat. As my purse was being flung up and over to the passenger seat I could not believe what I was seeing...someone had stolen my floor mats! (take a look at the above picture and you'll understand that I wasn't so surprised that I was a victim as I was stunned at the fact that someone would want my country-fied floor mats---caked with caliche, chicken schtuff, and who knows what else). And then the eyes of clarity descended on the fact that not only were my floor mats stolen...but so was all of the trash that thrives in my car! The used tissues, the crumpled papers, the permission slips, the broken pencils, the empty water bottles, the hair brushes.....all of it....GONE! Instantly I was shocked that my car could look so clean...and then I began to register the smell of the car....something wasn't right....OMG! I WAS SITTING IN SOMEONE ELSE'S CAR!!!!! I felt like I had landed in the Goldilocks and the Three Bears story...."....and she's STILL HERE!" My mind started going into overdrive as I began recalling the fact that there were two policemen inside the station...my biggest fear, being wrongly convicted, was getting ready to happen...any minute the car's owner would see me sitting in the driver's seat and yell to the two cops, "SHE'S STEALING MY CAR!!! AFTER HER!!!" I grabbed my purse like it was a tiny clutch weighing next to nothing (suppose it must have been the adrenaline) and the mother side of my brain scolded the owner of the vehicle for not locking his doors. I ran two or three cars over and jumped into my car. I was relieved to see that all of my trash was intact and that, yes, my dirty floor mats were still there waiting for my return. I made my getaway without so much as a police chase and I am now living under an assumed name in an undisclosed location.

I'm fine....really.....FINE!

2010-06-05T07:25:00.000-07:00

Salmon have NOTHING on me...the whole swimming upstream excuse....in the words of the world's teenagers....WHATEVER!! Unlike the salmon I don't have the benefit of a refreshing swim...shoot...I don't have the time to bathe anymore...and when I do have time...well...hygenie is nowhere near the top of my to-do list. I have been away from this blog for way too long and was all geared up to post with avid frequency (this is where the upstream analogy comes into play). The evil technological forces were doing everything in their powers to prevent such a thing as moi wanting to write to you. Long and drawn out story short: I finally found my leotard, tights, and flowing cape and confronted the dark side. Good won out as it has proven to do time after time (after long time) and here I am! All of this just to say that it feels so good to be able to finally tell you that within the course of one week I have acquired enough stories to make up for lost time. School is officially out for the summer for my little chicks, I have one more week left of work, and I have taken care of my son's brood for a couple of days without so much as trailing poop back into the house....now that's skill people!

Say What?!

2010-05-25T16:50:00.000-07:00

I am still alive...barely. Just the other day...I think it was yesterday....but it's all a little fuzzy to me considering the fact that I HAVE NOT ANY CAFFEINE TODAY!! You see, yesterday I had a follow-up doctor visit to check on my exhausted adrenal glands. Last August it was determined that I was literally Dead Woman Walking...and it wasn't only because my double-ended candle had combusted. It had something to do with "Adrenal Fatigue." Now, I'm no doctor, but it seems a little WRONG to tell a FATIGUED WOMAN to lay off the CAFFEINE for an ENTIRE DAY in order to conduct a test to see whether or not she's tired!!!! I still do not know how I made it to and through work today. Oh...and did I mention...I am NOT ALLOWED ANY CHOCOLATE either?! TORTURE!!! So basically I have existed on WATER and ....well, that's about it. Not really workin' for me here. I have one more vial of saliva to fill between 10:00 and midnight and then WOO HOO PARTY TIME!!! ONLY IT'S BEDTIME!!! Could the day just get any worse?!

Wish I May...Wish I Might...

2010-05-23T19:36:00.000-07:00

It is my wish that I could make all of the women in my life happy. I am so blessed to have so many wonderful ladies in my life on a daily basis. Most of them don't even know how much they mean to me. They come in all shapes, sizes, and ages...and I love them all. I have little girls who look up to me and come by my office just to say 'hello' and to give me a hug. I have my teenage daughter who is one of my dreams come true. I have women in their twenties surrounding me, and thank God they do, because they help me stay current and true. They also remind me to be thankful that I am no longer twenty! The thirty-somethings, I have to admit, unknowingly remind me that I am three months shy of leaving their demographic. But it is the women over the age of 40...over the age of 50...over the age of 60 who inspire me the most. I have always been an "older spirit" and absolutely respect the words these women have shared with me. Some of them encourage me to "go for it" while others know better than to ask too many questions...they have mastered the art of listening. It is the women who have already been where I am now who strengthen me just by being around them. There is no textbook I could read that would make me wise enough to be the women they are to me. But, once I have experienced life, then, and only then, will I be able to be like the women who mean so much to me.
All of this to say...I'm back! I have never taken a true "hiatus" or a "sabbatical" although I think I have taken a lobotical (my own term!) for the past 9 months...hey..."9 months!"...the irony of THAT length of time is certainly not lost on me! Much like a pregnancy I have been growing (literally and figuratively) and preparing. I hated being away from this blog for so long. The good news is that so many of you awesome women friends of mine have encouraged me and supported me and I could not think of a better way to say thank you than to post as often as possible!
In a couple of weeks I'll be out of school/work for the summer so I'll have even more time to share. I am looking forward to brooding!!!

In Too Steep

2009-08-11T17:49:00.000-07:00

Well...there's no turning back now. I officially returned to work today after being off for the summer. I won't lie...those two months are definitely a perk and are often what keep me motivated. But I really do enjoy what I do and the people with whom I am privileged to work make for some really fantastic days. Just like the kids, us teachers get just as excited to see each other when we head back to school. Some of us have shorter hair...some of us have grown our hair out. And still others of us have changed our hair color altogether! No matter the changes we are all still one big reunited family and it feels good to see each other again. Of course there are always some new faces of which we eagerly take under our wing and grow to love...oftentimes learning more from them than we could have ever imagined.

On my first day back I was faced with a multitude of obstacles...I was starting to think I was being tested. My sleep was interrupted at 4 a.m. when my daughter came in to inform me that the dog had peed in her bed!, I couldn't fall back asleep until 5:45 with my alarm sounding at 6:00, almost every single road I had to travel on was under construction, and on my way to a meeting at my boss's house I missed her street (since it was THE ONLY ONE WITHOUT A STREET SIGN!) but that's not the only reason I was TWO HOURS LATE...my daughter's back to school orientation was at the very same time! Nice first impression don't ya think?!

Despite all of these things I was determined to maintain a calm demeanor and managed to laugh it off. Tomorrow promises more of the same but I'm hopeful I can at least remember to let the dog out before I fall asleep.

My To-Do List Just Got Longer

2009-08-10T08:39:00.000-07:00

T-minus 1 day and counting....it's official...my Pollyanna outlook is quickly leaving my body. I even have the three..count them THREE fever blisters to prove just how painful this process is! Just what is the cause of this horrific scenario one might ask? I return to work tomorrow! Life as I have come to enjoy it (a life lived in eight week's time) will forever be altered and no matter how many motivational quotes I post on my mirror, in my calendar, on my car's dashboard, on the fridge, in my wallet, on my computer, on my forehead (you get the picture) it doesn't change the fact that the hustle and chaos that is attached to a working mom is still going to cling to me and prevent things from going smoothly...as they did in the summer months. During the summer months (a.k.a. "when I'm NOT working") it seems that there is never any traffic...there is always a parking space--UP CLOSE...there is never a line (and even if, on a rare occassion there is...I never mind waiting in it because I'm not in a frickin' rush!)...there is always time to be thoughtful and considerate and I'm always able to feel more like me because I've had the benefit of actual SLEEP (more than 4 hours) because I don't have to be startled to death at the clanging of a loud alarm hell-bent on rattling my nerves with the obvious intent on preparing me for the day ahead...and a LONG day ahead it always is what with AFTER work meetings, doctor appointments, athletic practices, games, church activities and the like.

And then there is the whole other issue of "prepping" oneself to look somewhat presentable to the public. I find it extremely ironic that during my time off I do not have to wear any makeup due to the fact that the stress has left my face and since I am more relaxed I actually look relaxed. This means that I do not have to worry about putting makeup on nor taking it off. But now that I will be interacting with hundreds of human beings all day every day I have to do the whole "morning/evening 'routine' routine." Back in the day this would have been fine when a light dusting of blush and regular mascara were the extent. Nowadays I must wear waterproof mascara (I tend to cry alot...you know...driving to work...working at work...thinking about work.......and then, of course, there are those seasonal allergies to contend with....ALL 4 SEASONS!). This means that I have tug and tug and tug at my lashes as I try to remove all traces of mascara without tugging on the delicate skin around the eye area. Nowadays I must wear more and more makeup in an effort to look more and more 'natural.' Nowadays I have to wear makeup or else I will scare all of the children. All of this just to illustrate the fact that I have to refer to a check list when putting on/taking off my face (and this list is only for the cleansers and moisturizers and anti-aging cremes and treatment gels...).

I have yet to mention the myraid other "to-dos" that go along with making sure my kids are ready for school. I have purchased school supplies for the middle schooler and am sending my high schooler on his way with a pen and a prayer. I have suffered through the trying on of clothes with my daughter and the extended cleaning sessions in my son's room. I have signed multiple forms and conversed with school counselors. I have negotiated with my boss about the fact that I will be late (as in not even going to make it late) to the first meeting of the year because I'll be at my daughter's orientation. I have driven my son to his football practices and picked him back up again. I have listened to Mix 96.1 and watched the Teen Choice Awards.

I have decided that no matter how much I have to do I already know it won't always get done. I already know that things are going to be insanely chaotic and that I will need nerves of steel. I know that I will need more sleep than ever before but that I will be unable to get it. I know that I had a good summer...and I know that I can't wait for the next one!

Getting Organized

2009-08-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

Well....here I am...staring my end-of-summer-deadline in the face...the countdown is on and I have been pulling several all-nighters-in-a-row attempting to get done "all the things I said I'd do when I was 'off for the summer' before Tuesday, August 11th. I simply chose (as I always do) to cram it all into the final four days of my summer instead of spreading it out over the past eight weeks. That's just how I roll. My summer goal was to SIMPLIFY and to ORGANIZE (which has been my goal for the past twenty-plus years...but I digress....). The difference is...this time I am actually doing it. Take my pantry for example: the "before" picture (which is not shown...for obvious reasons) always lead us to believe that-even though we could never find anything to eat, we just knew there had to be something edible in there. NOW....now that all is organized we KNOW that we don't have anything to eat. But, like most things in this world...it's not about what you have...it's about how you look...and my pantry looks GOOD!!!

The Perfect Ingredients

2009-08-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

I just returned home after watching the premiere of Julie & Julia and I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed it...though not necessarily for the reasons you might think. You see, I shared the movie experience with a dear colleague from work...a kindred soul. It was obvious to me the moment I saw the first preview several months ago whom I would want to see this movie with. K.E. is a woman extremely passionate about all things "food." I happen to be of the opinion (as are many others) that she is simply a natural in the kitchen blessed with culinary genes. She literally lights up whenever she talks food and I love her for it! I, on the other hand, love all things "writing/books." So there you have it...the perfect ingredients for movie-going with a friend!

One can't help but to fall in love with the exhuberant, life-embracing personality that is Julia Child. It is no wonder that Julie Powell chose her as her muse. The parallels are incredible and they are enough to give someone, as far-removed from the kitchen as I, hope.

My hope for this "year" (for those of us in education our "year" starts in August) is that my friend and I mix together and blend all of the ingredients needed to make our lives turn out well done. Bon Appetit!

Why Did the Parent Sit in the Parking Lot? .... To wait for her son!

2009-08-03T21:37:00.000-07:00

It may be "that time again" for a lot of you out there...but it's a first for me. I just had my official first experience as the mother of a high school football player. This experience consisted of dropping off my son early this evening, killing time for the next 3 1/2 hours, and then sitting in the stifling heat for another hour waiting for his first practice to end. We got home close to 9:45 and the boy had the nerve to tell me that he was starving..."for a big dinner." Whoa baby...do we have to get a few things straightened out if he wants to live to practice another day!

As far as the chicken picture goes: believe it or not, this is the sight I saw as I pulled into the high school's parking lot this evening. I considered it "a sign" ... though I'm not sure of what exactly.....

Are You Happy Now?!

2009-08-02T16:29:00.000-07:00

Two entries ago I described my cat as one who prefers lounging to ...well...just about anything. In an effort to prove me wrong Snickers comes prancing back toward the house this afternoon with a little extra something dangling from her jaws. This is the first time in almost a YEAR that I have ever witnessed such a sight as this. I won't pretend that I didn't consider photographing this milestone for posterity...but there was the dying lizard to consider. While tiny lizards are not necessarily the types of critters that need to be erradicated I was, nevertheless, proud/happy??? for Snickers.

This got me thinking about myself...just because I prefer lounging to...well...just about anything...doesn't mean that I can't exert myself when the need arises....it just hasn't arisen yet.

A Mouthful of Memories

2009-07-31T06:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, while killing time before picking up the kids from their summer celebration vacation bible school, I stumbled upon this wide-mouthed frog...and I just HAD TO HAVE IT! Here's why: one of the things I remember most about my grandmother's house was the ceramic, green, frog sponge holder that sat to the right of her kitchen sink. For some reason this kitchy little gadget appealed to me (she also had an orange one in her bathroom). While hers did not have a hinged "lid" it is still the same, basic concept...AND IT WAS ONLY $4!! (Thank goodness there was only one left or else I'd have a rainbow of frogs to deal with!).

Ehhh...I Don't Think So

2009-07-30T10:40:00.000-07:00

While my little dog, Roo, fearlessly and energetically chases after the chickens, barks at the passing deer, and pretends to always be on guard when someone is looking, my cat, Snickers, is way too layed back to even consider exerting herself unneccessarily. There have been times when I have witnessed her experiencing bouts of sheer adrenaline and joy and it proved quite entertaining...but most of the time she is asleep. Perhaps that is why I feel such a connection with her.

In the first picture Snickers is so pooped out from sleeping all day that she can barely sit up (I was so tempted to place a bottle of liquor wrapped in a brown bag near her left paw!)

In the second picture Snickers can hardly be bothered with something so trivial as a tarantula. Pah-leeeze!

Did I mention that we originally got Snickers so that we would have an outdoor cat who would protect us from all kinds of furry, slithery, and/or multi-legged creatures? ...Ehhhh...I don't think so!

The Beach is for the Birds!

2009-07-29T09:10:00.000-07:00

Yes, t'was I who ranted on and on about vacations in a previous post...but due to a spontaneous moment of weakness (and desperation) we packed an overnight bag and drove down to the coast. You know...one last "hurrah!" before summer ends (although with the current heat wave I'm beginning to think summer may be a lot longer lasting this year). Of course, we made the jaunt for the kids. WHY ELSE WOULD YOU SUBJECT YOURSELF TO THE STICKY ELEMENTS??!! WHY???? I have heard that other beaches are glorious...they must be what with all of the magazine spreads of people walking the beach IN THEIR CARDIGAN SWEATERS! This is simply UNIMAGINABLE down here in Texas. For someone like me the coast is something to be endured "for the sake of the children." I could have just as easily stayed home in the air conditioning and slammed my fingers in the car door---would have had the same effect. Although I could have actually simulated the whole "experience" by turning up my heater, slathering myself with baby oil, jumping into a sand-filled bathtub, standing in front of a fan so that my hair whips and twists and ultimately sticks to my lips and gets in my eyes, and then, for the coup de gras, sticking my head in the oven!

Yes, the ocean fascinates me...yes, I love dolphins...no, I do not like sitting beneath a tarp with my arms bent out like a buzzard cooling itself in the wind.

Simmer Down Now

2009-07-28T20:11:00.000-07:00

This is the view from my stovetop...not that I need any reminders to Laugh when it comes to cooking...my attempts at cooking that is. Nevertheless I thought it a nice touch. Basically it boils down to a nostalgic metal sign I saw in an antique store just the other day, "I understand the concepts of cooking and cleaning...just not as they apply to me." (It took a tremendous amount of self-discipline not to buy it...instead I bought the other sign...the one that read, "I'm sorry, you must be confusing me with the maid we don't have." What can I say?...I'm a sucker for sarcasm!
Anywho...back to the kitchen: I want to cook...I really do...it's just that...well...it's so...everyDAY!!! I don't know...maybe it's because I live a half hour away from a grocery store...maybe it's because I am a picky eater....maybe it's because after a long day of working and mothering I'm simply frickin' TIRED! And don't even get me started on the whole ingredients factor. As if that's not enough I am loaded down with GUILT...I feel so darn guilty all of the time (not guilty enough to cook...but still guilty). It's that whole "mother of the year" syndrome. I still have that little voice deep (very deep down) that incessantly chirps, "...that's what women do...that's what good wives do...that's what good mother's do...they COOK for their family!"

It seems that every now and then I get a resurgence...I get an inspiration to actually turn over a new leaf and cook. I go so far as to actually flip through a cookbook (...and, yes, I have lots of cookbooks....hey! I like the whole, "kitchen decor" theme), but I always have a heck of a time trying to find a recipe that calls for hamburger meat and spaghetti sauce or taco seasoning. Occasionally I'll come across something that I think the kids might even like and then I realize it lists an ingredient that I've never even heard of. That's when I rip open the Top-Ramen noodle packet and ring the dinner bell.

FakeAtion

2009-07-24T07:53:00.000-07:00

I'm still a little confused by the term "StayCation." I mean, I get it that "they" are trying to promote all of the possibilities one has to explore in their own home town...the problem I have with it is that IT STILL COSTS MONEY to frequent those venues!!! If the whole concept is to actually save money (or better yet not even spend it) how about not going anywhere people?! Allow me to introduce my brainchild: The FakeCation. Without spending a penny I have been enjoying a place that I missed being at for the past ten months: my very own HOME! I LOVE being HOME!!! So far, on my fakecation I have enjoyed the luxury of sleeping in, watching movies on tv, and reading. There have even been a few times when I have "ventured out" and spent some down time on the porch---at no charge! Yes, I would love to be able to travel more and visit new places. Sure, I would like to "get away" and experience new things. But in this fast-paced rat-race world I truly do enjoy slowing down. I like to stop and listen to the song birds and watch the sun rise and set. I have even been known to wear a fluffly white robe and sip hot tea while out on my no-fee porch pretending that I was at some swanky mountaintop spa. In the evenings I've enjoyed a glass of merlot while wrapped in a lightweight blanket engrossed in a book. Without paying a cent I gained a huge return...and there's nothing fake about that!

Toadally

2009-07-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

Had to share this picture I snapped the other evening! The grass was moist from a teaser shower and the sun was setting...I ran outside to take a picture of Snickers in the perfect lighting when this toad caught my eye. I was surprised he let me get as close as I did. I desperately tried to get a shot of Snickers and the toad in the same frame but the closest I got was some whiskers and a pair of toad legs flying off to the right. As I reflected on this warty toad I couldn't help but to think about myself. I have had my share of warts pop up on my hands and fingers and my skin has felt awfully dry and scaly. I no longer feel "colorful" but instead feel more drab and dull. On more than one occassion I have blurted out the infamous, "I feel like a toad!" So what is a tired, stressed, disorganized, almost-forty-year-old girl to do? Sit around and wait for "the kiss" that will undo "the spell" and turn me into the princess I used to be? Oh wait...I never was a princess...oh crap...I'm really a toad. At least I can always paint my toadnails and pretend.

Let Me Out!!!

2009-07-22T09:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes our vision gets a little distorted and we have to stop right where we are and look at things differently. Just the other day the winds picked up and began to churn all of the dust that has been blanketing our area of the hill country for so long now. I happened to be in my car at the time and could hear the pelting of the dust particles as they peppered my door. I was instantly blinded by a chalky haze and thought immediately of the days of the dust bowl. While the winds cooled things down a bit the rain never came. Without an outlet the clouds were forced to travel on until the conditions were just right for a downpour. While nearby yards received some wet and welcome relief we were left to wait and wonder when? In much the same way my creativity has been brewing for a while now. I suppose I hadn't found an outlet yet because I had always been waiting for the 'perfect conditions' to present themselves. What I have coming to realize is that when dealing with one's creativeness the only conditions are the ones we place upon ourselves. And that is why I have been posting to this site...for it is my outlet.

Is the Chicken Inside or Outside the Cage???

2009-07-21T14:51:00.000-07:00

I'm a grown up...I'm a grown up...I'm a grown up. This is the mantra I like to chant to myself about every hour or so. My kids are finally at the ages where I almost even feel like a grown up...that is until I actually try to do something a grown up would do. While I do not participate in shady activities or questionable endeavors I do like to venture out on my own every now and then. Take yesterday for example: my dad had just picked up my daughter so she could go home with him and spend a couple of days and nights at her grandparents' house. They had not driven more than two miles down the road when I received a picture text of my daughter making a silly face. I thought I'd play along and immediately took a picture of myself with eyes crossed and tongue hanging out---while driving in my car---en route to purchase a bottle of vino. Almost instantaneously my daughter texted me back the following query: "where u headed?" The little stinker knew. I felt like I had been "caught" and that I would have to weasel my way out very carefully. So, I texted her back, "had 2 check mail."

Example number 2 (in less than 24 hours). I had to meet my daughter in town because she and I both had dental appointments previously scheduled before the big "spend the night" deal. After we both received our packets of sugar free gum we went our separate ways...she to her allergist's and me to my parents' house to pick up some 2x4s. After loading and adjusting and securely strapping down the lumber I headed toward home...but I would have to pass the allergist's office to do so. Guess who was pulling out of the allergist's office and onto the very road I was driving down-while talking on my cell phone? Yup. Guess who beeped into my conversation? Yup. Guess what she had to say to me......"Mom...Grandpa told me how you were suppose to load the lumber and you did it wrong...it's all going to slide out...you are suppose to-blah blah blah blah..." Yup. I was being reprimanded after being caught doing such unthinkable things as doing things my way. I just don't know how I'm going to work up the courage to try to convince her to let me stay up late tonight.

Alpha Bravo Charlie

2009-07-20T19:47:00.000-07:00

So here I am watching news footage commemorating the 40th anniversary of the 1st man on the moon when a HUGE question forms in my brain....just how is it that we could get a live feed...actual audio reception of Neil Armstrong speaking FROM THE MOON back to EARTH and I can't even get one bar on my cell phone or air card to pick up a feed from a wireless tower less than a couple of miles from my house????!!! Huh?!

For the past two days I have been wanting to post something poignant about my 20th high school reunion and I haven't been able to because...oh...I don't know...there was a cloud passing over???? Anywho I finally got my computer to react to my ranting, banging, and begging and at 9:54 p.m. I was able to complete a connection. The pictures above show just how we have been able to communicate all summer long. As "luck" would have it (my 'luck' that is) the best reception can be achieved if, and only if, we try to connect while up in my son's treehouse (maybe it has something to do with being closer to God???). My ingenious son set up a def-com station the likes of some Vietnam War fort and after suspending our air-card from the rooftop was able to gain an extra bar of reception. The only problem with this little setup is the fact that it is 104 degrees outside these days!!! Just the other day I climbed those handy little stairs in nothing more than a pair of flip flops and a damp bath towel...no lie (and no pictures) to help him with an itunes issue. Yup...you gotta love the country.

Wild Abandon

2009-07-16T15:22:00.001-07:00

Roo loves chasing the chickens...but only when one of us is watching. This picture was taken right after I told Roo to "Get 'Em!" Just before that they were all one big happy family. While I don't want Roo constantly chasing and ultimately attacking (eating) our free range chickens I do want her to patrol the porches. Our chickens have the annoying habit of leaving evidence of their visits to our porches most of which eventually ends up in our home if you catch my drift. With the nickname, Rooster, our tiny dog bursts full throttle towards our flock scattering them in all directions upon command. Once she went so far as to return with two tail feathers in her mouth! She proudly bounces back to the door ready to gloat no doubt deserving of a treat. It's fun to watch her looking back over her left shoulder just after reaching where the chickens once were--just to make sure there was a witness. Even though her face cannot be seen you can just feel her delight and know she is smiling.

It's Like Beating a Dead Rug

2009-07-15T11:23:00.000-07:00

It must be the heat...it has to be...for I actually swept, vacuumed, and mopped part of my house......I know!!! But, after "walking" for half an hour hunched over trying to coerce dirt particles to release their grip within all of the score lines in our concrete I decided I could call it a day...I mean...I was tuckered and my back hurt. I think housework is bad for my health!

All throughout the school year I kept telling myself that I would clean my house once I was off for the summer. And then summer hit. Why on Earth would I want to clean house, now?! When I'm on vacation?! I just didn't make a lick of sense. And, considering the fact that I prefer to simply throw things away rather than clean, fix, or wash them I was stuck with the dilemma of just how does one go about throwing away their house?! It would be sooo much easier to simply relocate into a sparse, clean, condo somewhere...with all white furniture...and windows you could actually see out of...and maid service...and....

Then the realization hit that if I wanted some semblance of clean I would have to do it and I would have to do it now. So, rather than vacuuming the rugs I drug them outside and flopped them over the fence. I beat the filth out of them with a broom and then lugged them back inside--knowing full well that they would be riddled with dirt within the hour. That's the thing about cleaning...there is no long-lasting result. Take mopping for example: now my floors are just clean enough that you can see the tread from my flip flops as I followed along behind the mop (why are there riding lawn mowers and not riding mops? It's not like footprints show up in the grass. Hmmmmm....)

So, even though it will be hard to tell that I actually cleaned the house by the time evening comes I can at least say that I did it. Another exciting rendition of "How I Spent My Summer Vacation."

Peep Show

2009-07-14T16:01:00.000-07:00

Our 2nd generation of Silkies have started to hatch! Our mama hen has been sitting on ten eggs for several weeks--all throughout this drastic heat wave. I have made sure to hose down their outdoor coop several times throughout the day and everytime I do the chickens run out from their covered "home" just the same as kids would do at the first sign of a refreshing sprinkler being turned on in the backyard! But Mama Hen...she would sweat it out...she hesitated to leave her nest. Every now and then she would come out...see what all the fuss was about (she has three older chicks) and then would rush back inside to brood. It is truly a marvel to watch things like this...to note the maternal instincts...the sacrifices...the dedication. In the end it pays off...out pops a cute and fluffy chick! The hard part is certainly not over...there are still more eggs to hatch...and of those that are left not all will survive. Mama Hen is overly alert now as she tries to keep her new and curious charge close by. She has older chicks who still try to wedge their way beneath her even though they are almost as big as she is...but she makes room. Her clucking is different now...it is gravelly and lower-pitched...she means business.

My son has been keeping an interval camera on Mama and chick all day long for the past two days. It has been fun to watch a full day's worth of activity in seven minutes. We've witnessed the fact that Mama and baby are never apart from each other. We've noticed that the older chicks are more adventurous now that Mama is otherwise occupied (and the one we've dubbed "Carrot Top" is a camera hog!). We've also realized that no matter what they are a family...one that has grown and is continuing to grow; a family of chickens who makes room for each other despite the tight quarters. Yes, there is a lot more chicken poop to put up with, but there is also a whole new brood to marvel at.

Don't Get Squashed!

2009-07-13T09:24:00.000-07:00

Our summer garden has been harvested and tilled. There are no longer leaves of green or flowers of yellow. The crisp husks of what once was have withered, dried out, and died. As we said goodbye to the garden that provided the makings for multiple bowls of pico we stumbled upon (tripped over would be more like it) a zucchini that flourished despite the harvesting, the drought, and the extreme heat. While it may not be as tasty as its predecessors, it is making its own statement as a true conversation piece. It has served to remind me that we can all continue to grow even when everything around us seems to be trying to squash us.

The Price Is Right

2009-07-10T18:04:00.005-07:00

In my constant quest to pull off a high-dollar look without actually spending the money I am forever on the look-out for a bargain. My efforts were rewarded the other day when I finally "allowed" myself to enter into a real, true store. A store where I did not have to mix my khakis with my kiwis. That's right folks, I ventured out into the "Real World." Reality Check: The "Real World" stinks! Are you Serious, people?! You actually expect me to pay $60 bucks for a pair of pants?! Whatever! But wait...is that a Markdown I see?....a double markdown nonetheless?! I'll take one in every color!

Room to Grow

2009-07-07T21:58:00.000-07:00

I am sitting on the floor in front of the girls' dressing room at a local department store where I am practicing parental patience breathing techniques. My twelve year old daughter is behind closed doors trying on clothes...need I say more?

We have been here all of 9 minutes and my pulse is excellerating. I fear being rolled out of here atop a gurney...the day I don't have on so much as under-eye concealer but I do have on three-sizes-too-small undies. When asked if I have an existing heart condition I'll feebly raise my palid hand and point to my preteen. When pressed for more details I'll be forced to relive the moments I was forced to endure the irrational illogic that can only spew forth from a girl in a dressing room who wants the way-too-tight/too-small pair of jeans; insisting that it doesn't matter because her yet-to-be-purchased tops will cover them up. After a VERY slow and deep inhale and exhale (and with the deliberate ommission of the oh-so obvious notion that the jeans cost money and will be outgrown BEFORE school even starts) I simply said, "No." (This would be the part where the drama kicked in).

Yes, people, I remember what it was like to be that age...I STILL feel that way! I still want to look like the actresses in the movies; I still try to copy the models in the magazines. However, I have yet to figure out a way to actually afford it all...other than bargain hunting, making do, or doing without. (It is important to note that one would be hard pressed to convince a twelve year old girl to adopt any one of the three above-mentioned options).

It has now officially been an hour and "we" have only been trying on pants.

...6:00 p.m....still here...

Okay...I caved on one pair of skinny jeans, but held firm on the flare legs (I know...I know...it should have been the other way around...), she got her way on a pair of denim capris (but only because they were the last ones and in "her" size), but I did my best to convince her that she really looked better in "the next size up" pair (keeping my fingers crossed on this one).

Myself...well...I was in need of a new black belt and a new brown belt. In true "make-do" fashion I found a reversible belt that served both needs. Now if I can just keep myself from passing up the last notch on the belt it will have been completely worth the trip!

Short Story

2009-07-06T19:02:00.000-07:00

What is it with kids?! They are SO demanding!! They want attention, they want food, they want clean clothes to wear....it never ends! Take my son for example: he just came home after a week and a half vacation--during which he wore the same pair of shorts every day. The morning after he got home his first words to me were: "Mom, have you washed because I don't have any clean shorts to wear." HUH?! Say WHAT?! I'm thinking: the kid can live on one pair of cargo shorts for ten days-while away from MOM-and then WHAM!-the minute Mom is back in the picture it's "Wash this!" "Cook this!" "Buy this!"

So, I did what any well-intentioned, loving mother would do...I went out and bought the boy 5 new pair of shorts...consider it my way of conserving water during the drought!

Those Lazy Days of Summer

2009-07-05T18:25:00.001-07:00

Last night I stayed up late (until 12:00 a.m.) thus calling for the need to sleep in (until 9:30 a.m.) thus resulting in the need for a nap (at 5:00 p.m.). As you can see I am simply worn out! This not working routine has me exhausted! It has me wondering how in the heck do I do it all when I am working?? Wow! I am fearful that if I had tons of money and did not go to work I would sleep just enough to feel rested enough to feel like sleeping again. But this ultimately has me realizing that I would no longer have bags underneath my eyes which means I would not have to apply concealer which means I would not even begin to know how to exist without the need to conceal, cover up, and create a "natural" look. And so, I am resigned to the fact that no matter how much I catch up on my sleep during these glorious summer months off I will ultimately end up looking like I thrive on all-nighters when back at work. Nevertheless the chance to be a relaxed and lounging soul has me feeling completely content. Plus...since I am wide awake now at 8:30 p.m. I must treat myself to a glass or two or four of wine so that I can partake in falling asleep for the second time today.

Now, lest you think I stayed horizontal all day long I must divulge that I did, in fact, do a little light cleaning and straightening....that is until it pooped me out and I had to retire to the couch for some History Channel viewing (one must stay educated). With the temperature over 100 degrees one can't blame me for wanting nothing more than to keep myself hydrated and rested...heat stroke is not something one should take lightly.

Land that I Love

2009-07-04T17:23:00.000-07:00

On this, the 4th of July, I want to say that I love the fact that I am able to walk up and down the streets of a large and busy city and see beauty and history as I do. I have the freedom to visit places and teach my children about their world. I realize that I am fortunate to be able to do so as many others do not have such liberties. I am grateful that I live in a country whose men and women so honorably fight and sacrifice their lives for. Because of them my family was able to spend a day walking freely along sidewalks and streets marveling at all of the sights and sounds that crossed our path.

It's All Coming Back to Me Now

2009-07-04T17:06:00.000-07:00

To celebrate the homecoming of my kids after being away on vacation with their grandparents we all went downtown and enjoyed a day of sightseeing and eating...an intact family of four...together again...that is until my daughter and I were separated from dad and brother while trying not to vomit in public. Maybe it was the heat...maybe it was the overwhelming joy at being back home...who knows...either way my daughter got sick right as our dinner was served to us-outdoors-on the Riverwalk. After spending way too long in a public bathroom teetering over the toilet as to avoid actually having to touch anything my daughter and I decided to play it safe and cover the floor and toilet seat with some paper towels. Fortunately the bathroom had decorative Saltillo tile and was somewhat "decent" considering other public options. As I sat on the bathroom floor, beneath the diaper changing station, dabbing the back of my daughter's neck with a wet paper towel, in the "larger-more spacious" stall, I could not help but to think that I was being punished for reveling in and enjoying my "vacation" from parenting. It was as if the kids were retuned to me and then, in less than 24 hours, I was reduced to collecting E-Coli on my knees and bottom while foregoing dining in public. I was instantly reminded that I was a parent NO MATTER WHAT and that my duties still include being there and supporting my children...I just sometimes wish they would work on their timing!

Back in the Nest

2009-07-02T10:22:00.000-07:00

My chicks are coming home!!! My brood has been away from home for 11 days-IN A ROW!!! Okay, I'll admit it...it was delightful...the being home ALONE part of it all. But, now that the time has come I am actually starting to get a little bit excited about seeing my kids again. This was the first time they have ever been away from home longer than a couple of days so it was a big deal for all of us. I can't wait to hear their voices and listen to their stories. Us Mamas want our chicks to venture out and scratch and peck on their own...but in the end...it's always good when they come back home to the nest.

Out of Order

2009-06-30T09:43:00.000-07:00

You would think I brought my newborn home last night the way that I received THE CALL while at the check out counter at Walmart informing me that my computer was finally ready to be picked up. Even though I had spent the past 8 hours in San Antonio (30 minutes of them in the very store where my computer was waiting for me) I was just about to head home after grabbing some much needed groceries. I hesitated all of 7 seconds and then took off in the opposite direction of home and rushed to pick up my special delivery. So what if I had meat and dairy products in the back seat of my car...in the 103 degree temperature...I was not going to let something as trivial as botulism stand in my way of contact with the rest of the world. When the transaction was completed I was asked if I needed help carrying my cpu to my car I politely declined and teetered on my wobbly heels out the door and into the parking lot. I gingerly rested my 'baby' on the backseat and grinned the entire ride home.

This morning I plugged her in and as she came to life the endless hours, days, and weeks without the internet or a computer mattered no more. My life felt complete! No more rushing off to the public library where I was tormented by the digital timer counting down the minutes atop my screen...no more wifi drive-bys. Now I can empty my camera's bulging memory card and start fresh. Yes, we can survive while our life feels "out of order" but it's a heck of a lot more fun when everything is in working order! (And, even though we're in the middle of a drought I will now be shutting down, turning off, and unplugging my baby so she and I can sleep soundly at night).

Meanwhile...Back at the Ranch...

2009-06-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with 42 minutes to spare before needing to rush out the door. In those 42 minutes I needed to wash my hair, put on makeup, fix coffee, eat breakfast, let the chickens out of the coop, feed the chickens, clean out the chickens' water containers, make sure the cat had enough fresh water for the day, and drive for an hour to a bridal shower. I made it to the shower at exactly 10:00 on the dot...right on time. Here's how I did it: I took care of all of the creatures first (I'd rather be late than have pets die on my watch). I probably still have shampoo residue in my hair, but I washed and rinsed as fast as one can with very little water pressure. I managed to locate the single, shiny, silver packet of Pop-Tarts hiding behind a box of pasta in the pantry--along with two travel thermoses--and had me a literal breakfast to-go! I had on enough facial bronzer to give the illusion of a restful and carefree lifestyle and enough lycra to hold in the midsection to give the illusion of a fit and firm existence. I was able to rummage through one of my many junk drawers and find a Crayola marker (unfortuntely it was the washable kind) in the exact shade of brown I needed to color in the exposed white plasticky portion of a broken heel on my single pair of brown strappy sandals. As long as I remembered to cross my legs left over right I would be able to keep up my charade as a put-together person.

Adios to Them...Hello to Me!

2009-06-26T12:43:00.000-07:00

My kids are on vacation with their grandparents...this translates as I AM ON VACATION!! I think I am supposed to miss them...but I don't. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that they have NEVER been away for any extended period of time in 14 years! IT'S TIME PEOPLE!!! For me, I would much rather "vacation" AT HOME...ALONE!!! Therefore, I must say, this past week has been simply glorious. First of all I can relax in their absence knowing that they are old enough to fend for themselves, they are so darn excited, and they are in good hands. Secondly, not since the birth of my first child have I had so much time on my hands. Since my husband is gone during the daytime I have been free to lounge around and be lazy and I have been able to split town at a moment's notice if for no other reason than just because.

With the use of our amazing technology I have been able to keep up with the kids and their travels. They are enjoying sending texts and pictures electronically...and I am enjoying receiving them. I have still had to balance out my days trying to ensure that I fit in enough of everything and nothing before the clock strikes twelve. Take right now for example...I am sitting in the public library checking my emails and typing away. Earlier this morning I woke up, shuffled to the couch, and then fell back asleep for another two hours. Yesterday I watched an entire movie before 10:00 a.m. and then I went shopping...all by myself! The day before that I went shopping with my best friend and had a great day. Last night I had dinner with my husband. I have painted my toenails three different colors, finished one book and started another, and actually cooked a meal. I am extremely grateful for this sneak peek into the possibilites that lie before me in my not so distant future. I don't want to come across as a selfish person who wants to quit her job as mother...it's just that some times I need to recharge and reconnect with myself...and this week I am doing just that...and it is all good!

In Between

2009-06-23T08:55:00.001-07:00

I am still computer-less. This means that I am frantically typing away on a borrowed computer at the public library. So far this summer has me killing scorpions on a daily basis and, maybe it's the drought, but I am starting to feel the urge to clean. It better rain soon! There is so much I want to say but being disconnected, literally, from my home computer has me all out of whack. The words just aren't flowing. Everything seems so disjointed and erratic. Come to think of it...that is how life can be sometimes. It seems that people and nature are dehydrated. We are starting to wither and droop. We are all in need of some sustenance that can't be bought. We are digging into reserves that are drying up. Even still we press on. Despite the scorching heat of the 100+ degree temperatures we keep growing because we know that we must. We are grateful for breezes and shade. We enjoy visiting with the strangers we meet inside air conditioned shops. We double up on outdoor duties and activities trying to cram them all in utilizing the "coolness" of the dawn and dusk hours that bookend our days. Deep down we all know that the rains will come. We all know that we will eventually curse the flooding that is sure to follow. But it is the time in between the drought and the flood that we must live our lives...finding our own sense of balance between want and plenty.

Book 'Em!

2009-06-18T08:11:00.000-07:00

I slunk into the public library this morning after dropping off my daughter at volleyball camp. If I had a pair of glasses...the kind with the fake nose attached to them I would have worn them...beneath a baseball cap and wig. I would have done this because I was basically kicked out of the library yesterday morning after exceeding the time limit on the computer. I really wasn't sure how to respond when I felt a tapping on my left shoulder and essentially remprimanded for my crime. Of course...I was guilty and I knew it. I quickly logged off and high-tailed it out of there. I have been visiting a couple of public libraries these past two weeks while my kids have been in sports camps in an effort to tweak this blog. I finally imported all of my past entries into one complete blog and feel great relief at doing so. It is as if all of my eggs are back in my nest. Now I am ready to sit on them until something beautiful grows from it all. I feel so much more complete when I am able to produce and having been at the mercy of others' computers has had me feeling a little scattered. I finally got a call from The Geek Squad just the other day informing me that they were able to backup 94 gigs from my electrocuted computer. They then sent my computer off to Hewlett Packard for it to get serviced. This could take two to three weeks!!! So please bear with me as my posts will be sporadic and I will not be able to dowload any of my pictures until then. Now...I have to go before the alarms sound and I am whisked away to library jail!

In The Good Old Summertime

2009-06-12T08:47:00.000-07:00

Oh to be able to be home! The other morning, day 2 of my "freedom from work" time, found me actually cleaning up the kitchen AFTER actually MAKING something other than cereal for breakfast! See people...I CAN keep a clean house...well...a cleanER house than when I am a frenetic mess. Therein lies the eternal domestic conundrum...do I stay home and thus keep a clean home or do I keep working and never clean again? Tough one I know!
During the second week of his summer break my son has been attending a 4-day long football camp. After the very first day he came home happy and pumped. He had a good friend come home with him to spend the night before day 2 of said camp. That evening my son tripped over some errant chicken wire and somehow ended up breaking his big toe. While I was concerned about his toe, truth be told my first thought went to the $75.00 camp fee I had just plunked down. The next morning I stopped at Walgreens to purchase a pair of unisex slides for a child who only wears boots, tennis shoes, and socks. He must have really been hurting because he put those fake plastic shower shoes on without complaint and hobbled out onto the football field where he proceeded to throb and grimmace as his peers ran, caught, and passed around him. Go team!
My son sat out day 3 of camp with the hopes that he'll feel a great deal better by the last day of camp. I feel so bad for him. He is such a dedicated and hard worker who wants to make a good impression on the coaches. At least this was just a fun camp and not the beginning of two-a-days. I suppose it can be viewed as a good lesson on injury prevention and how vital it is to stay in good condition for the upcoming season. It has me feeling such empathy and sympathy for all of the players (and for their parents) who have ever been sidelined by injury ... what utter heartbreak.
On the flip side my daughter will start her very first foray into volleyball next week as she will attend a 4-day camp. I am anxious to see how she fares. I'll have to make sure she has some shorts and a pair of tennis shoes before Monday!
Two mornings ago, as I was venturing outside to let out the chickens I stumbled upon a furry tarantula making his way through the grass and onto our sidewalk (insert heebie jeebies here). Good Morning! He definitely creeped me out more than the mating walking sticks dangling above our front door yesterday morning! This made this morning's discovery of the overly plump and excessively long scorpion struggling to climb up and out of the cat's food dish a less than excitable event than it normally would have been. I didn't even shiver nor hesitate when I grabbed the bowl, dumped the scorpion onto the porch, and squash him beneath my sandal.
Yes, a lot has been happening in a short amount of time...hopefully I'll be able to remember it all to share...that is if I don't choke on an earplug or go into anaphylactic shock anytime soon!

UnHeard Of

2009-06-12T08:39:00.000-07:00

Have you ever dreamt about eating tiny marshmallows in your bed? I did...only it turns out it wasn't a dream...sort of. Allow me...just the other night I "dreamt" that I had found a marshmallow in my bed, and not being able to turn down a fluffy ball of sweetness, I popped it into my mouth and began to chew. I can recall, in great sensory detail, the texture, the chewiness, and the weird realization that there was no flavor to be had-AT ALL! I think that is when I awoke straight away. I had immediately, thank heavens, realized that I was, in fact, chewing on one of the earplugs I wear at night to drown out all of the little noises that try to undermine my attempts at slumber. I shutter to think at what the outcome would have been had I actually digested the hot pink "marshmallow." I've been "plugged up" before...but...yikes!

May the Force Be With You

2009-06-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

Can it really be that I have not written in over two weeks? There must be some good reason for this...uh...yup...there definitely is. On Memorial Day my family and I came home from an overnight stay at the lake. We were all worn out and ready for a good night's sleep before having to report to school/work in the morning. At approximately 12:20 a.m. a loud crash of thunder/lightning jolted me awake. My husband sat up and declared that our house had been struck by lightning. You know, sometimes it really does feel like that when lightning strikes so close the windows of your house actually rattle; except that this time it was actually true. Our chimney was struck near its top on its south side. Thick and heavy blocks of limestone were strewn out and across our backyard. While we were fortunate that a hole was not created in our roof and extra blessed that a fire had not started, there was still the not so small aftermath of fried electronics to be dealt with. Case in point: my computer was most definitely affected and as a result I have been unable to write or download any of my pictures. I am praying that everything is able to be recovered. Since this happend the last week of school I have been extra busy and distracted. I hate to post without a picture, but I have decided that something is better than nothing at all. Thus I am sitting in a public library frantically typing away whilst the "Time Remaining" clock at the top of my screen counts down--rapidly!) We went without a television for a little over a week. Our satelite source was lost so we could only watch dvds. I suppose that is fine if you actually have a collection of them...as for us...we had to go to a galaxy far far away...again, and again, and again. While our chimney was definitely struck by "The Force"- "The Force" was definitely not with us. Our clothes dryer no longer shuts off...this means that the first night since the strike that I decided to wash a load of clothes I did so at my normal washing time...bedtime. I transferred the clothes to the dryer a little after 9:30 at night and went on to bed. The next morning the clothes were still tumbling around. Now I have to set the kitchen timer every time I dry clothes. I know...I know...things could be worse. Nevertheless it's the being out of touch with my computer that has me feeling the most upset.
The TV repair man was suppose to call me between 8:00 and 10:00 to let me know when he was going to come out to my house...it is 12:32 and I have not heard from the guy...you don't think there is a magnetic forcefield hovering near my front gate that is keeping him from entering do you? And so begins my summer "vacation."

Where Water Once Was

2009-05-25T17:15:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered what the bottom of a lake looks like? I'm sure many of you have experienced the creepy gross feeling of that mushy mucky mossy gunk squishing between your toes. Some of you have probably even brushed past an errant branch reaching upwards from its hold on the bottom. But how many of you have ever been able to walk where you once skiied? Just yesterday I went walking where water once was. All of the watches, cell phones, caps, car keys, and sunglasses had already been scavenged by those pesky early birds, but I was able to stumble across multiple empty cans and bottles, lake shells, fragments of rope, a trebble hook, a fish head skull, a snake in a log, several cow patties, and an umbrella. While none of these "finds" were worthy of taking home I did find the umbrella a true picture of irony as we are in the middle of a brutal drought that has the lake at extremely low levels. As I took this picture the sky was darkening and rain was beginning to fall.

What Would Rorschach Say?

2009-05-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

I have never sat across from a psychiatrist and analyzed an inkblot before...but I'm very curious as to what one would have to say about me after I showed

them the inkblot I created. You see, even though I live out in the sticks I still try to maintain some form of dignity. I try to make myself feel regal and fancy and sophisticated...something that is very difficult to pull off considering the amount of gnats and 'no-see-ums' that flit about our home. Take last night for example: A nice glass of wine while reading a book just before drifting off to sleep would be the perfect ending to my week...or so I thought. It turned out that while I was changing into my pajamas a herd of gnats decided to rob me of such an indulgence. I got all snuggled into bed, propped myself up against my favorite pillows, opened my book, and then reached for my glass---aaaggghh! Instead of delicately sniffing and sipping my wine I ended up dipping and wiping my wine. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I have mastered the art of the retrieval of gnats from wine glasses. One merely has to gently touch the gnat with the tip of one's finger, just barely skimming the surface of the wine, and WHALLAH! You've got yourself one perfectly extracted drunken gnat. After each extraction I would wipe my finger free on the small notepad I keep on my nightstand...for just such an occasion (not really...it's there in case of sudden insight...note it was BLANK prior to the gnat blots). I suppose the saying about taking the girl out of the country really is true...what's even scarier is that I've actually written about wine gnats in a previous blog!

Instead of purchasing a bucket of citronella, listening to the shock and awe of a bug zapper, or covering yourself in sprays and lotions why not multitask and invest in a good bottle of wine? It has come to my attention that the tiny and irritating bugs of summer prefer a good merlot!

Butterfly Moments in Life

2009-05-22T15:51:00.000-07:00

There have been a lot of celebrations these past few days. I have enviously, but joyously looked on as some of my colleagues retired; I have listened with pride as my sister told me of my nephew's completion of kindergarten; I have been in the same room as my daughter and two other pre-teens as they primped and giggled and fluttered about just before their first dance. I have driven home with my son and one of his friends as they excitedly planned their weekend activites. Each of these moments were celebrations of life if nothing else. For my colleagues it was a celebration of all of their hard work and dedication to their life's work and a realization that a new beginning was in store for them. For my sister it was a celebration of accomplishment and the knowledge of her son's growth. For my daughter it was a celebration of the end of not only school, but of elementary school at that...a celebration of pure excitement. So many changes will be taking place in her life as she prepares for middle school. For my son it was a celebration of friendship...an opportunity to continue to grow as a person and as a friend. His wings are drying out and the test flapping has begun...soon he will be soaring to new heights. As I sat back and witnessed each of these occasions I could not help but to feel happy for each them. Like the beautiful butterfly, each of these people, who so graciously bless my life simply because they are in it, have gone through or are going through many different ages, stages, and changes. They have crawled and they have flown. They are beautiful to observe and they remind me just how precious life is.

Not Tonight

2009-05-21T17:14:00.000-07:00

Not wanting to leave Roo out of the "cute sleeping pet" category I decided to let you get a glimpse of Her Royal Highness. Pay close attention to the expression on her face: it is basically saying, "Don't even THINK about touching me, moving me, sliding in next to me, or even looking at me." You see, Roo, the itty bitty 4 pounder rules the roost when it comes to bedtime. I can hardly step into my son's room, let alone stand next to his bed if she is already settled for the evening; I have the puncture wounds to prove it. At least I know that should anyone, God forbid, sneak into our house we would all be alerted immediately and the burglar would be mangled before we could dial 911. While I could probably drag Snickers down the stairs by one of her outstretched paws-her limp and sleeping body slinking over each step as if were a silken cloth (during which time she would not so much as even open one eye) I can not even tell my son goodnight without a low, gutteral, vibrating growl emminated from somewhere beneath the covers. If I so much as dared to chance a kiss on the forehead I would risk the loss of any appendage touching the bed. But, by day she is cute and well-behaved so we keep her around.

Moments

2009-05-21T16:59:00.000-07:00

In one week's time I have witnessed a mother mouthing the words to a song as her child sings on stage; I watched as another mother kept time with her feet as she kept one eye on the viewfinder and the other on her child dancing; I observed another mother praying over her child's casket.

There are moments in life that grip us and move us. These are the times when we are suppose to grasp them back and take it all in. We are not to let such occurrences pass us by without impact. We need to be in the moment even when we don't realize it is one. We need to be our child's biggest supporter and love them love them love them.

Yes, we all worry. I am notorious for pre-planning worst case scenarios in my mind. But I also know that if I live my life in a constant state of brooding then I will never truly enjoy that which is actually happening now. I must remain strong in my faith and pray unceasingly. I must trust in God to direct our days.

Cuppy Love

2009-05-19T17:55:00.000-07:00

If you ever need a lesson in how to completely succumb to sleep---please---stop by my house one day and observe my cat. Snickers has brought more joy into my life than I ever thought a cat could. She simply cracks me up. I can't seem to stop snapping pictures of her sleeping. Just the other day I found her snoozing on top of my daughter's bed hugging Cuppy, a beloved stuffed animal. If this picture does not scream "CONTENTMENT!" I don't know what does.

A Mother You Will Always Be

2009-05-18T17:46:00.000-07:00

(This post is meant as a heartfelt prayer to another mother)

A mother you will always be
From now until eternity
Your daughter grew and learned and loved
And then returned to the Lord above
But she is always yours to claim
The bond you shared will forever remain
Faith will keep your family strong
In God's love is where you belong

Exercising is for the Dogs...and Cats

2009-05-16T16:18:00.000-07:00

As soon as I roll out my exercise mat Roo immediately claims it as her very own spot to rest. But, once she spied the 2lb. weights she began to have second thoughts. I know exactly how she felt (Notice her expression: "Hold on just a second....I am slowly backing away....") I know exercising is good for me. I know that if I keep at it I will begin to see results...I GET IT PEOPLE! But here's the rub...I DON'T WANT TO DO IT!!! I like all of the gear...the mat, the dumb bells, the lycra, the outfits, the tennis shoes (I even bought one of those purple exercise balls...but, as you can see, it is outside on the porch deflating rapidly...in fact, Snickers is worn out just by the mere sight of it!)...it's the doing it after a long, hard day part...it's the getting undressed and then dressed again just to sweat and get undressed again...it's the "I don't like bouncing around on achey joints when I could be reading right now" part of it all. But...I have stuck with it. And, yes, I am starting to see results...and...I am feeling good about myself--dammit! NOW I HAVE to keep exercising! And so I do. Yes, I have skipped a couple of days here and there...mainly because of my crazy schedule...but I have picked right back up as soon as I was able. I like the fact that I am doing something to make me better. I also like the fact that my pets and I have so much in common!!!

And On The Sixth Day She Rested...

2009-05-16T11:52:00.001-07:00

I've been a tad bit busy this past week and have not been able to post. I hate to make excuses, but here's why:
MONDAY: Attended an awards ceremony for my son...got home a little after 8:00 that night.
TUESDAY: Attended a band concert for my daughter...got home a little after 9:00 that night.
WEDNESDAY: Took my daughter to podiatrist appointment at 2:45, then picked up my son from school at 4:00, then drove the half hour communte back home to take my daughter to her hair appointment at 4:15 (ran little bit late on that one), then took my son home while his sister was getting layers cut in her beautiful hair (prayed hard that she would like it), after successful hair cut experience I left the house at 6:00 to drive my son to an end of the school year church dinner/swim party that started at 6:30, then I drove back home and forced myself to work out for 20 minutes (still attempting the 30-Day Shred), after a quick shower I left the house at 8:00 to pick up my son, returned back home a little after 9:00, once home I baked a test batch of Besitos de Coco for my daughter's history project from 9:30-10:00, stayed up until my kids finished their homework-which was around 11:15 at night.
THURSDAY: Tried in vain to leave the house before I was suppose to report to work but was unable to do so as my son proceeded to tell me that he had just thrown up "6 times." The "fun" part of it was that he had just eaten a bowl of Lucky Charms and only made it as far as the bathroom sink...you do the math...not so freakin' lucky for moi. But, like most of us, he felt "much better" after barfing so I grabbed the infamous barf bucket and several blankets and off we went to school/work. Once at work I snuck away as soon as I was able to in an effort to buy enough ingredients to feed the entire school for my daughter's social studies project (her country was Venezuela)...(I don't even feed my own family but when in Rome...), I wanted to do my grocery shopping early just in case my son got sick again and then I wouldn't be able to back 600+Besitos de Coco (I'm not a real fan of homework...especially once one turns 38!). Once my shopping was done (and I only ran into 2 parents-good grief) I returned to work and immediately felt nauseated (although work, in general, has that effect on me...this was a little different). I was unable to do anything other than burp and moan-though not necessarily in that order. (PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THIS IS ALL STILL JUST ONE DAY!). I had to eat outside of our lunch circle as no one wanted to take the chance that I may be harboring the Swine Flu. To cure my ails I noshed on some pico de gallo and thin chips...and guess what...it worked! After lunch I felt as if nothing had ever happened and since I was feeling my oats I was then able to speed home at the end of the school/work day and begin baking...which I proceeded to do for the next four hours! And I only burnt 2 of the batches! (I also prepared a dish for another event for tomorrow evening).
FRIDAY: By now my alarm and me are no longer on speaking terms and because of this lack of communication I did not get out of bed until approximately 20 minutes before I was suppose to LEAVE THE HOUSE! By this point in my week I can't really remember my name and fully relied on habit to navigate my way to work. Once there I covertly called the band director to ask for a second permission slip because my daughter had left hers at home. I asked him not to tell her that I called because I wanted her to go grovelling to him on her own. I attended my daughter's festival of foods and sampled all of the other mothers' late-night baking/cooking projects. I dropped Visine into my eyes routinely and finally found myself on the ride back home. But, not for long, because it was now time to attend my husband's end of the year event and so I grabbed my chilled dish, took down my pony tail only to realize that there was no way the crimped hair encircling my head could be tamed so back up it went. I threw on some capris, a fairly clean shirt, and some sparkly flip flops. By 9:00 I was ready to curl up beneath a cedar tree and sleep until 2010. Since that did not happen I became a walking and talking bobble-head for the next couple of hours.
Saturday: I did not wake up until 10:30 this morning! It was glorious!
Even though my home is in total disarray I managed to ignore it all and finished watching a movie we had started last Sunday, sat outside and ate more pico while reading and writing, and visited the community dump site. All in all it was a good day.
Sunday: Remains to be seen...

HomeWork

2009-05-09T07:17:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when your husband and kids are all away for the day...and you know they will be gone at least until after lunch time...you actually look forward to doing chores? Is it the fact that you know work needs to be done so you do it? Or is it because doing work without having others watch you working is much more gratifying? Perhaps it is because you know that what you pick up and put away will stay picked up and put away--at least until the return of the litterbugs? There is something therapeutic about the quiet hum of an "empty" house. I suppose the rhythmic tumble of the clothes dryer and the constant whirring swish of the dishwasher soothe us mothers in much the same way as those stuffed animals we put in our newborn's crib...the ones with the fetal heartbeat sounds velcroed inside of them. I think it has to do with the fact that the need to not only maintain a clean and orderly household dwells within many of us...it is just shy of an instinct. But I also think that many of us lead such harried lives that we are forced to function in disarray. This state of frenzy often masks those comforting sounds and we are no longer lulled. The televisions and ipods; the cell phones and shouts...these are the sounds of a house...but they all too often muffle the sounds of a home.

Hot Dog

2009-05-07T17:42:00.000-07:00

The days have been a little sultry this week. I turned on the air conditioner for the first time since last year...I had to or else I was going to collapse into a puddle of melted skin...and it is only May! We had been enjoying leaving our windows open night and day but once the house heated up there was no turning back. I believe in conserving energy and saving money...I really do...but I am no longer in the mood to sweat if I don't have to.

On the flip side my little dog, Roo, is lovin' the heat. Since she is all of four pounds she tends to follow the sunny spot in the house all day long. I snapped this picture of her taking in the rays of the sun. Normally she likes to nap on the porch on the welcome mat. Not on this sunny weekend though...she actually ran out into the yard, plopped down, rolled over, and sighed. It was as if she was simply going to sniff around when all of a sudden she realized there was true warmth surrounding her and she couldn't resist it's pull...kind of like the poppy field in The Wizard of Oz. Some of us can sleep anywhere-anytime...I'm all for it!

Skipped Steps

2009-05-05T20:42:00.000-07:00

I am in need of some good lotion. My legs are starting to grow scales…I have only recently noticed this as I have finally resorted to shaving my legs again now that the weather is warming up. I was hoping that if I drank enough water throughout the day my skin would be hydrated and look moist…uh nope…doesn’t really work that way for me. The fact is I know that if I simply applied lotion everything would be taken care of. The problem is that I am too lazy to put it on. It is ANOTHER STEP in my to-do life. Lately I have been skipping many of the regular, “normal,” steps people take to get themselves “ready.” There really are so many things that can be skipped and the world still rotates. Take shaving for example. There is no great need for me to spend the extra time needed to shave legs that are white, varicose, and dimply. These same legs are usually always hidden beneath long skirts or pants. And, if you go long enough without shaving, the pokey spikey feeling eventually goes away.
Then there is the whole hair washing scene. SKIP IT! I really do not see how women wash their hair EVERY day. Just how dirty does it get?! I for one am a big fan of baby powder…it absorbs the oils on my head and affords me another day with one less step in it.
And, even though my mother will cringe reading this next one, I must come clean and admit that I have done this, though only on very rare occasions. Going to bed with my makeup still on grants me that coveted extra ten minutes in the morning. Waterproof mascara helps my lashes appear dark and I only need to add more eyeliner to cover up any smudges.

14 Years Ago Today

2009-05-04T19:21:00.000-07:00

Fourteen years ago today I became a mom....something that I always wanted to be. When you have a baby it is the kind of gift that makes you someone other than who you were. It is beyond words. When I first learned that I was pregnant I felt like a cog had caught hold of a gear and the wheels were finally starting to turn. This set forth an entire chain reaction and my life began to take shape. I remember the euphoria I felt at the whole miracle of life that was placed into my hands and locked within my heart. I can't look at my son without acknowledging that he gave me life. Happy Birthday, Son.